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A group of senators have come up with a “bi-partisan” plan to deal with illegal immigrants. I’ve read about their plan but you don’t need to. Anytime you hear “bi-partisan” attached to anything coming out of Washington, you know it’s something horrendously retarded. If you think that’s an exaggeration you haven’t been paying attention. We all must come to the realization that we live under a tyranny of stupidity. This is an era of failed government. These morons are incompetent, arrogant, impotent and utterly self interested. They can not accomplish anything positive, they’re wrong about everything and everything they do makes everything worse.

So, with that in mind, let’s discuss their brilliant strategy for immigration “reform” (another tip: whenever you hear a politician say the word “reform”, you know he’s about to screw something up even further). There are three basic tent-poles: provide a “pathway to citizenship” for illegal aliens, give the children of illegals an immigration E-ZPass, and possibly, maybe, potentially secure the borders.

A couple of thoughts. On the issue of securing the border, my first question is: why have we made an issue of securing the border? Why is ours the only country in the history of human civilization that actually spends time ARGUING about whether it ought to enforce its boundaries? This is one of the very few legitimate functions of the federal government and it’s the one thing they don’t want to do? And every neo-liberal stooge that thinks Uncle Sam ought to come into his house, raise his children, do his laundry and pour him cereal in the morning somehow has a problem with the government performing this basic and essential duty? We’re hopeless. There’s no chance of getting anything done when someone says, “hey, all countries are distinguished from each other by this really vital concept called ‘borders'” and they next guy responds, “WAIT A MINUTE, let’s argue about that for the next 40 years.” Every country in the world enforces its borders. There’s no point in having them if you don’t secure them. Like it or not, all borders in all corners of the earth have been born and maintained through blood and war. You don’t go through all of that just to say “Oh jk, nm lol”.

In a place where things make sense and people aren’t ridiculous, the necessity for border security would be made all the more obvious by the fact that our neighbor to the south happens to be a collapsing country run by drug cartels. But unfortunately we don’t live in that place. We live in a land where people think they’re being really deep and profound when they interject themselves into an adult conversation on this topic and say something like “hey man, borders are just lines in the sand, what gives us the right to keep anyone out?” Well hey man, your house is just a structure with walls, what gives you the right to keep anyone out? Look man, you can’t, you know, like, expect society to adopt a certain philosophy in the macro if you can’t even live by it in the micro. Have the courage of your absurd convictions or shut the hell up, man.

As far as “providing a pathway to citizenship”, I thought we already have that? If you want to come here there is a legal process by which you can accomplish that goal. You want to talk about fair? How fair is it to all the millions of immigrants who took the time and spent the capital to do it the right way if we give some version of amnesty to the folks who didn’t? Go ahead and tell those people, who apparently wasted their time abiding by the law, all about this “fairness” you speak of. Yes the process might be unnecessarily long, expensive and inefficient but hey, welcome to America. I can’t even get my license renewed without providing a wad of cash, 4 different proofs of identification, a urine sample, a DNA swab and a detailed report of every place a plan to drive in the next 2 years. If we want to discuss cutting out the bureaucracy, I’m all for it. But any plan the government comes up with always involves adding MORE bureaucracy, not less. This plan is no different.

I’ve actually heard the following argument in regards to the children of illegal immigrants, also known as “dreamers”, from many neo-liberals including Obama: “These kids didn’t choose to come here, it’s not their fault. We shouldn’t punish them for the choices their parents made!” The irony is so thick I’m choking on it. Tell you what, you apply that logic to abortion and I’ll apply it to immigration. Deal? No? Didn’t think so. Hypocrites.

To me, immigration doesn’t need to be a political issue. But who am I kidding? Everything is a political issue. Health is a political issue. Education is a political issue. Gravity is a political issue. And immigration will continue to be a political issue as long as our illustrious politicians are more concerned with “courting Latino voters” than doing their damn jobs.

I’d like to see some politician attempt to court the logical and rational voter for a change. Of course, then again, that is becoming quite the niche demographic.