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Attention everyone: Below you will find the most infuriating collection of sentences you have ever laid eyes upon. This is an email I received yesterday afternoon from a disgruntled listener. It, I warn you, is the worst thing you will ever read. Take your blood pressure medication and then continue on…


I’ve heard your show a few times and I don’t think I’ll ever listen again. I can’t deal with the judgement you pass on people. Im an Obama supporter but i still I think you have some great ideas …. but to advocate for cuts to entitlements? That’s just heartless and wrong. There are people who NEED it. Not want it. NEED it.

I have suffered from severe and chronic depression for most of my life. I am 29 and began feeling this way at the age of 12 or 13. I would love to work and live a normal life like you. I’d love to have an easy time of things like you. I’d love it if I wasn’t cursed with this disease, if I didn’t have to struggle so much but that’s not the case. I can’t work in this condition. I receive a modest disability payment every month. I could make MUCH more at a job than I do from the check I get each month. I’m not looking to profit off of my disability but I can’t function enough to profit from my skills and education. I haven’t been able to get married or have kids. It took over A YEAR for the government to approve my disability payments and during that time I almost ended up on the street because I couldnt work to support myself. You have no idea what that’s like. It’s easy to judge from where you’re sitting, but walk a mile in my shoes. The truth is…. And your not going to like this but it needs to be said… I AM entitled to your money. Its just as important for you to help me as it is for You to help your family, thats what it means to live in a community. I am an American. You don’t get to just leave me to die. You have to pitch in.
Deal with it and stop whining.


Here’s the response that I sent to Mr. James:


May I call you Jimmy? You seem to know a lot about me and my life, so I guess we are on familiar terms. Let me start by applauding your impeccable comedic timing. I mean, writing an entire paragraph where you do nothing but bitch and moan and then finishing it off by telling ME to stop “whining”? Hilarious. Well done. The only thing that would have been more hysterically ironic is if you had signed off by calling ME a thief and a fraud.

But I suppose we aren’t here to talk comedy. We’re hear to talk about your hard, tragic life and why it entitles you to take food from my children’s mouths. So on that subject I have just a few thoughts:

First. Thank you for confirming every negative stereotype people have about Obama voters.

Second. Listen, chief, you actually know nothing about me. You know nothing about my life. You know nothing about life in general, and that’s coming from someone three years younger than you. You keep telling me I “can’t understand”, I can’t fathom, I haven’t “walked in your shoes”. You’re wrong. I HAVE worn the shoes of an ungrateful brat who sits at home all day with no responsibilities, making unreasonable demands of everyone around me while offering nothing in return. But, you see, I grew out of them when I turned 5. Then I put on different shoes. In fact, for six years I wore the shoes of a guy who lived in a roach infested apartment the size of a closet, worked multiple jobs, didn’t make enough to pay for cable but did have barely enough to subsist on gas station beef jerky and energy bars. I don’t think you’ve ever tried those on — have you? — you presumptuous snot. While we’re gabbing about footwear, let me tell you about the shoes I wear now. I wear the shoes of a man who earns a modest living and works his ass off all day, every day, to build a career in one of the toughest and most challenging industries in America. I do this so that I can provide for my wife and my two kids. And you’d gladly take from them so that you can avoid exerting the minimal effort required to support yourself? You’re a physically capable GROWN MAN with no dependents and you think my wife and my children OWE you? You are disgusting.

Third. Ok, let me get this straight, if you didn’t get free money from Daddy Obama you’d “die”? Really? You’re so emotionally distraught from the challenges of a life you haven’t lived that you’d whittle away and die in your misery rather than find a way to log a few hours behind a cash register to pay the grocery bill? See, Jimmy, I think you sell yourself short. I think, if absolutely forced into it, you’d find a way. You’re not paralyzed, you’re not wheel chair bound, you’re not blind, you’re not an amputee. And, by the way, I know people from each of those categories who work and support themselves. I don’t think you’d die. But, frankly, after reading your email and seeing your utter and complete self obsession, that’s a risk I’m willing to take.

You are a thief and a fraud. One day you will answer for that.

Have a blessed day,