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Do you know how to make sense when you say things? Do you generally communicate via coherent statements and do those statements lead to a comprehensible point of some kind? If so, you’re already ahead of about 85 percent of the country. By today’s standards you are a certifiable genius. Mazel Tov, Einstein.

Now I want to share an excerpt of a conversation I had yesterday on the air. We were discussing the plight of a local man who wants to convert a part of his large, wooded property into an outdoor recreational facility, complete with some sweet zip lines. He got a recreational business permit but has been prevented from installing the zip lines because apparently you need a special zip line permit that the city just invented six seconds ago.

I made the point that, A) his permit should cover the zips and, B) IT’S HIS DAMN PROPERTY SO SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP.

Then a woman called in and this happened:

Woman: yes, I’m his neighbor and I don’t like his idea so he shouldn’t be able to do it.

Me: why should you have any say? How does this effe-

Woman: yes, I don’t think he should be able to do it. It doesn’t work for me. I don’t like it. I told the city to stop him from doing it.

Me: ok, I get that. But why does this conce-

Woman: we are a nation of laws. The law says he can’t. We have laws. We must listen to the laws. You can’t just ignore the laws. We are a nation of laws. Laws. Laws are laws, which means they are laws.

Me: right, sure, laws, I get it but my point is that-

Woman: we are a nation of laws. Without them you have chaos and anarchy. That’s like what’s going on in Syria with people dying and drugs and explosions.

Me: …. What? How did you get from zip lines to civil war in Syria? That doesn’t make any-

Woman: well, you have to have laws. He can’t break the law. How would you like it if your neighbor bought a thousand roosters and woke you up every morning?

Me: …. Uh…. I … Wait, what?

And the conversation progressed like that for about 5 excruciating minutes. And when I say “progressed”, I mean “ran in circles revolving around civil wars and roosters” . Anyone who heard the exchange can attest that, tragically, I am not exaggerating.

I tell you this because I want you to understand that these are the people who get their way in this country. You see it especially in the local sphere. Folks reach a certain age or a certain financial comfort level and then they begin to dedicate their lives to involving themselves in everyone else’s business. Town halls across the nation are chock full of concerned citizens requesting that a new ordinance be made against gum chewing because they stepped in a wad of gum three weeks back and therefore someone needs to make a law. Just try to argue with them and you’ll get a stupendous, mystical straw man straight from the land of Oz thrown at you: “Oh we shouldn’t make gum illegal, you say? So you think someone should be able to chew a whole pack of Big League Chew and then run up to you, smear it in your hair, kick you in the shins, and spit in your eye? Is that what you want?!”

It’s getting out of hand. So many fallacious, ridiculous arguments have been made to prompt so many intrusive, unnecessary laws. Maniacs are large and in charge. And we the few, the sane, the coherent, need to reclaim this country before it’s too late.

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