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I was just reading over these “shocking” revelations published by a former TSA agent. I am utterly astounded. And by “astounded” I mean I’m about as surprised by it as I am when I hear that a stripper has daddy issues.

Turns out, according to this guy, you can get a job with the Transportation Security Administration even if you don’t have: 1) a High School diploma or GED 2) skills or abilities of any kind 3) even a halfhearted intention to take the job seriously. Essentially, the people who we (have been unconstitutionally forced to) trust to “keep us safe”, and scare away the big bad terrorists, wouldn’t qualify for a position in the airport parking lot toll booth. Yet there they are, exerting their unquestioned and absolute authority over every human being who commits the crime of attempting to board an airplane.

The anonymous TSA guy goes on to expose other amazingly obvious things.

-The male agents regularly ogle female passengers.

-There is virtually no managerial oversight of their activities.

-Despite being less skilled than a 16 year old snowball stand worker, they start out at 15 bucks an hour.

-They get 4 hours of paid vacation and sick leave for every 40 hours they work.

-It’s difficult to fire them so they can basically do whatever they want.

-Even the TSA screeners themselves have very little confidence that what they’re doing really makes anyone safer.

Wait. I have to slow down. I think my heart just stopped. Ok — crappy, overpaid, lazy, talentless and you mean to tell me they work for the government?! Unbelievable! Hold on. Let me collect my jaw off the floor.

Seriously, does any person alive really think the TSA does a better job of security than PRIVATE workers HIRED BY THE AIRLINES would? Or do you believe it likely that airlines would choose to leave their planes unsecured if not for government intervention? This whole thing is a joke. We yap about rights and liberties meanwhile we allow ourselves to be treated like Guantanamo detainees whenever we go to the airport.

If you factor in the amount of people who have flown on airplanes and stack it against the number of terrorists who have blown up airplanes, you’ll find that there is approximately a .0000000001 percent chance that any given person in the terminal is an Al Qaeda operative. You’ve got a better shot at being trampled by a moose while being struck by lightening right after winning the lottery on Friday the 13th. And this likelihood, minuscule as it might be, has not been diminished by the ubiquitous presence of government goons.

And please don’t give the me the ol’ “YOU’D FEEL DIFFERENTLY IF YOU WERE ON A PLANE HIJACKED BY TERRORISTS!!!1!!1!!!” routine. A) yes I’d probably feel differently about a lot of things at that moment. But, when discussing constitutional issues, should we put ourselves in the mindset of a panicked and desperate hostage contemplating his imminent death? Answer: no. Further, that’s the dumbest argument imaginable. Just because I might abandon the principle due to fear and extreme anxiety, doesn’t make the principle itself flawed. This is basic, fundamental, logical reasoning here. I mean, do you utilize the “Would you feel that way if you were about to die” litmus test for all issues? If so, you must have the most cowardly personal philosophy of all time. You’re like the Socrates of wimps. B) I’ll try to put this in a way that’s even clearer. Which is to say, I’ll repeat myself but this time in capital letters: WE ARE NOT SAFER BECAUSE OF THE TSA.

Expensive, pointless, inefficient, ineffectual, unconstitutional and morally offensive. Yep. Sounds like Uncle Sam is involved.