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I must make a confession.

I was wrong.

I admit it. I am guilty.

I’ve written about Obamacare a few times. Selfishly, shortsightedly — like the partisan propagandist that I am — all I’ve done is concentrate on the NEGATIVE stories and the BAD things about Obamacare. Duped, I suppose, by Fox News and the Koch Brothers, I only thought about the millions of people who are facing skyrocketing premiums, canceled insurance plans, and loss of employment as a direct result of Obama’s health care legislation. I even went so far as to give these people a platform to tell their stories (The Definitive Guide to How Obamacare is Destroying American Lives).

Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people emailed to tell me how they are suffering because of Obamacare. But, as many liberals have reminded me, these folks were all lying. Or they’re mistaken. They’re reading letters from their insurance companies that say things like, “we’re canceling your plan because it doesn’t fit ACA regulations” — but they’re mistaken. Just because their insurance company is explicitly informing them that they are losing their coverage because of Obamacare, that doesn’t mean they’re necessarily losing their coverage because of Obamacare. They could be misinterpreting. Or they’re delusional. Something. They must be something. Anything. Anything to explain why it appears that Obama lied. Anything other than pondering the possibility that it looks like he lied because he did, in fact, lie.

Oh! I know. I know what’s going on here: these people are agents under the employ of Sean Hannity, sent to make up stories about how their children are now uninsured due to a law that was sold as a means to make sure no child would go uninsured. They’re usurpers. Spies. Traitors. GUARDS, SEIZE THEM!

I see it now. Thank you for showing me the light, dear left wingers. I apologize. How could I have been pulled in by these fraudsters? Besides, even if their stories ARE true, what about the POSITIVE impact of Obamacare? Many folks have reached out, not with positive stories themselves per se, but insisting that there MUST be positive stories out there somewhere.

They’re right. I mean, sure, millions of Americans are being put in a bind because of this thing, but their misfortune has proven profitable for a small number of citizens and a large number of insurance executives. When will THEY get THEIR day in the Sun? When will SOMEONE talk about the GOOD things Obamacare is doing? It’s like when there’s a hurricane or a tornado or something. All of a sudden everyone is going on and on about the “victims” of the “catastrophe,” yet nobody ever discusses the GOOD aspects of natural disasters. Sure, families are driven out of their homes, but think about the positive side of that. Think about how well it works out for squatters and looters. If the news wanted to be balanced and fair, they’d report on the carnage this way: “Here we have the Smith family. Their home was rendered unlivable by the storm. But over HERE we’ve got a man named Jake. The mandatory evacuation gave him the perfect opportunity to steal the Smith’s TV. While some are kind of bummed in the aftermath of the hurricane, guys like Jake are really pretty pumped about the whole thing.”

See? That’s called “showing both sides of the story.”

So, you got your hours cut, your plan canceled, and the cost of life saving medication for your diabetic son suddenly skyrocketed? And you’re complaining about this? You unbelievable narcissist! Did you ever consider how your pain and suffering could be really helpful to some strangers across town?

I’ve had enough of this biased nonsense. It’s time that SOMEONE (besides the President of the United States, dozens of government agencies, Democrats, ABC, NBC, CBC, CNN, MSNBC, and Hollywood) put a spotlight on the benefits of Obamacare. To atone for my past malfeasance, I’ll get the ball rolling.

Here are The Three Best Things About Obamacare:

1. Obamacare ensures that no single male will ever go without maternity care again.

We’ve all heard this sort of tale a billion times. A young single guy, in college, studying hard, planning for the future, and then, one day — BOOM — everything changes. He starts to feel kind of strange. He wakes up most mornings with severe nausea. He misses his period. Finally, he goes to CVS and picks up a pregnancy test. Oh Lord, it’s positive. He’s having a baby. Young, single, pregnant, a dude — it’s the oldest story in the book. Until Obamacare, this pregnant fella would likely find that his insurance, shockingly, didn’t include maternity coverage.

But things will be different now. Under the Affordable Care Act, EVERY insurance plan for EVERY American must include the “Ten Essential Health Benefits.” One of the items on that list, thankfully, is maternity and newborn care. That means all humans, whether they be dudes, or menopausal women, or the elderly, must pay for a health plan that covers them in case they get pregnant. If their current plan doesn’t include that sort of coverage — because they’re brazenly assuming that the fact that they’re a man, or 90 years old, would somehow preclude them from ever needing it — their health insurance will be canceled. Better to have no insurance than insurance that is specific to your own needs and desires, am I right?

President Obama said at least 23 times on camera, “if you like your plan, you can keep it.” But anyone who isn’t a Tea Partying anarchist understands what he CLEARLY meant when he said that. He meant “you,” as in, the universal “you.” As in, “we.” As in, “the collective.” As in, “the government.” So, if you take the blinders off and open your mind, you’ll read it like this: “if the government likes your plan, you can keep it.” Remember, there are no individuals in Obama’s America. We are all a part of the Uniformed Collective. YOU — you, specifically — can’t necessarily purchase coverage that works for you, specifically, because it might not work for your neighbor. And then where do we end up? Everyone is just running around all over the place, buying goods and services according to their needs and wishes? That’s CHAOS. CHAOS, I tell you.

Let me give you an example of the horrors of free will and liberty. The other day I was strolling the parking lot of my apartment complex, looking for someone who could drive me to the liquor store. This guy walked by with his wife. I went up to him and asked if I could get a ride. Do you know what he said? You’ll never believe this. He said: “No, sorry, our car is only a two passenger vehicle. There’s no room for you.” Outrageous! Naturally, I shot back: “How dare you! How could you selfishly go out and buy a car that specifically fits your lifestyle? Did you consult with ME before making this decision? What about ME? What about what I want you to buy? WHAT ABOUT ME?!” Then he maced me in the face and hurried away.

Jerk. I hope he crashed.

No, I’m kidding.

But really, I hope he crashed.

2. Obamacare brings about economic justice by punishing rich people.

Obamacare isn’t making everyone happy, I admit. Plenty of rich folks are mighty upset. But those wealthy aristocrats deserve to be taken down a peg or two. This is what redistribution is all about, and, make no mistake, Obamacare is nothing but a redistributive entitlement program. This is another thing we must keep in mind when we hear the prattling from the peanut gallery about how the ACA has “hurt” them. They are the one-percenters. Here, I’ll show you.

These are a few more real stories from people who emailed to complain about Obamacare. Listen to these rich elitists whine:

From Steve:

“We are dairy famers–for us, that means our food is whole and we get one heck of a lot of exercise working 14-18 hour days, 365 days a year. Unpredictable farm prices have made us, by choice, live very frugally in order to make and save money to remain working in a business we love. We never had cell phones, cable television, or high speed internet service. I’ve had the same sofa in my living room for 20 years. We’ve never owned a new vehicle. Most of our farm equipment is used. We milk in a tie-stall barn and feed using wheelbarrows. We chose not to buy health insurance because it would have cost our family of 5 nearly $1000/mo with $5,000 per person deductible and $20% copay after that, which we would never meet
because we rarely got sick. What we chose to do was to shunt away that money instead. We squirreled away the $12,000 we would have spent in premiums over the year, plus another $5,000 we would have had to have
spent to meet one person’s deductible, to use for medical expenses. At the end of the year, we took what was left of that money and invested it for use in our children’s educations and our retirement, and
started again for the next year… Now our choice to live this way is gone. We now pay $800/mo with a $6,000 per person deductible for insurance we don’t have time to use…”

Dairy farming oligarchs, thinkin’ they can get away with not buying insurance. Sorry, ain’t happenin’. Now buy this thing you don’t want, or pay a fine. Don’t like it? Too bad, Thurston Howell.

Here’s another one from someone who wished to remain anonymous:

“This year I graduated from college, got a great job as a nurse at a wonderful hospital, bought a house, got a dog, and for the first time in 2 years got awesome affordable health insurance for me and my wife. Our premium is low, co-pays are very affordable and prescription medications that my wife needs are practical and a lot more reasonably priced.But all of that is going away. The plan I am currently on is being dissolved and replaced with a much more cut down version. Not only that but the price will go up from $112 per paycheck to $187 PLUS a $50 per paycheck premium for my wife staying on the insurance as well. Well over double what we’ve been paying. We are barely out of being considered in the “poverty level” (I’m talking by a few hundred dollars) so were considered middle class. I have 50k in student loans, a mortgage and a very small car loan. Even with all our debt and bills we can still save $600 a month. With those new health care that would cut our savings in half.”

These fat cats and their “jobs” and their “income” and their “homes” and their “dogs.” Time to pay the piper, Gordon Gekko.

Here’s one from a woman named Angie:

“My husband and I have 4 children. He is a special education teacher and a coach. I am a stay at home mom/student. We are also foster parents, licensed in the state of Washington. Our adjusted gross income last year was $58k… We are on a very, very tight budget. My husband’s insurance through his work covers himself and our 4 kids for not too bad of a rate – so far (approx $350-mo). I haven’t heard yet what the new rates for next year will be but I am bracing myself for the increase.

Unfortunately, to add me to his plan would literally cost an additional $600-$700 per month – money that we just don’t have. So, I have had insurance through Washington State’s Basic Health Plan. It provided affordable basic health (as the name implies) insurance. And because we are foster parents, we get it at an especially reduced rate. I literally pay only $17 per month. This is great for me. I am healthy, and never go to the doctor anyway other than for check ups.

Well, now, thanks to Obamacare, Basic Health is going bye-bye at the end of the year. I am now FORCED to pay $268 per month for crap, crap, CRAPPY insurance with a ginormous deductible. OR (drumroll please) pay a $95 fine for the first year. Guess which I will be choosing?

So now, not only have I lost the good, affordable insurance that I DID have, but I now get to pay a fine to NOT have insurance.”

It’s always the same group at every cocktail party: stock brokers, lawyers, corporate executives, special education teachers. And now one of THEM wants us to feel SORRY because they’re forced to go without insurance, and then pay a fine because of it? Too bad, Scrooge McDuck.

Obamacare: helping the poor and the middle class.

3. Obamacare gives people choices.

As a newly minted liberal, I love choice. We are huge fans of choice. But there’s something about choice that you need to understand: choice requires control. Choice and control go hand-in-hand, like peanut butter and jelly, or eugenics and Planned Parenthood. What happens if people are given an uncontrolled choice? Well, nothing. Nothing except CHAOSANARCHYCANNIBALISMZOMBIESDEATHDESTRUCTIONLARGESODAS. We liberals enjoy the sort of choices that you find in places like, say, prisons. I hear the super max down the street gives inmates the CHOICE of chicken or beef for dinner, and the CHOICE of getting shenked in the yard or shenked in the cell, and the choice of complying with the officer’s demands or getting tear gassed and beaten bloody. The liberal vision is to take this strategy and bring it to the masses.

So Obamacare gives you CHOICES. It gives you a choice between getting insurance you can’t afford and don’t want, or being fined; a choice between purchasing insurance that includes the Ten Essential Health Benefits, or insurance that includes the Five Essential Health Benefits plus another Five Essential Health benefits; and a choice between keeping your existing plan, or not keeping your existing plan because it was abolished by bureaucrats in DC. Choices. So many choices. Choices with a little dash of governmental control. You mix those two ingredients in a pot and you get one heck of a delicious meal.



See? Don’t let anyone ever tell you that there’s nothing good about Obamacare.


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