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These next few weekends will be the most significant weekends of my life. That’s because there’s something I will be doing during this time that I’ll likely never be able to do again. And that thing is nothing. I will be doing nothing. And I will be savoring the nothingness because in a few short weeks my wife and I will be joined by two infants. Although I have no experience in this arena, I’m told children make it next to impossible to achieve the honorable and lofty goal of spending an entire day doing nothing.

So today I’ll sit on the couch watching Sportscenter. At some point I’ll eat. I’ll probably do that several times, as a matter of fact. I will have to leave the house to get beer, or maybe bourbon, or maybe a little beer and a little bourbon, but these are decisions I will make after thoughtful reflection and meditation. Later, I’ll feel guilty for being inside all day when it’s beautiful outside so I’ll step out on the porch for 45 seconds. What can I say, I’ve always been the outdoorsy type 

Anyway, when you work hard all week you earn the right to be a lazy lard for 48 hours. Until you have kids, at which point, if you try to do a weekend the way I do them now, people will start throwing around phrases like “child neglect” and “deadbeat” and “you shouldn’t be drinking beer in your pajamas at 2 in the afternoon”.

So I’ll soak it in now and, when the time comes, I’ll say goodbye to my Oasis of Laziness. I’ll never get another weekend again, at least not the sort of weekend where we can sit and watch the entire season 3 of Justified on DVD in one sitting.


And I’m more than OK with that. I’m sure the joys of fatherhood far exceed the joys of sitting-on-the-couchhood.