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Lord help us, we’ve killed Irony. The country is so overrun by hypocrites and oblivious idiots that contradiction and unintentional self parody have become the rule, thereby rendering the concept of irony moot. Everything is ironic, which has the effect of destroying the meaning of the term. It’s like what would happen to the high jump event at the Olympics if the earth lost its gravitational pull.

The recent news of the Pope’s resignation has really illustrated this state of affairs. In fact I’ve virtually lost the will to laugh hysterically every time an anchor on CNN or MSNBC goes on a tirade about how the Church needs to become more “progressive” and “keep up with the times” in order to be “relevant”. See how sad this is? Here we have the hilarious spectacle of a dying cable channel lecturing about “staying relevant” and I’m almost too exhausted to make fun of it. Almost.

But with what little energy I have, I’ll say this: Seriously, bro? Your networks can barely muster a 1 share in the ratings during prime time and you have the gumption to talk about “relevance”? And you guys have been around for, what, like twenty years? The Catholic Church is going on year two thousand. That’s like a house fly giving an oak tree a lesson on longevity. Give me a break already.

 And since we’re on the topic, I’d like to talk about this idea that religion ought to “keep up with the times”. That’s a statement so flawed on so many levels that I don’t know where to begin. But let’s start with this:

Even if I were to accept the ridiculous notion that a particular ideology is better simply because it’s recent; even if I were to buy into this short sighted tyranny of the present; even if I were to share this brand of laughably immature arrogance; we’d still be left with the fact that there is nothing new or modern about modern progressivism. It’s an ideology that embraces eugenics, secularism, militant feminism, Socialism, and anti-patriarchalism. There’s nothing fresh about any of that. These ideas have been around for over 100 years. The baby of the group is probably eugenicism, but even it’s been alive and advocating for the murder of the helpless since the early 1900’s. “Modern” progressivism was fully developed and formed in time to usher in the bloodiest and most destructive century in human history. Why do you think the leaders of this movement are crusty Marxist college professors and aging bitter feminists?

Another point: truth does not change with the wind, so if you claim to speak it neither should you. Truth is not determined by popular consensus. A thing is either wrong or it is right. Whatever it is, it will be it tomorrow and it will be it four thousand years from now. Truth is not a fad. How lost are we that we treat philosophy like denim jeans, insisting it has to be updated every two years? I don’t give a damn what the surveys say. I’m sure I could find a million people who would tell me Die Hard 5 is the greatest cinematic achievement since Raging Bull. They’re wrong, they’re wrong once and they’re wrong a million times.

Now, while essential truths do not change, many other things do. And the Church has, in fact, been on the forefront of the many other things. The Church saved western civilization after the illiterate barbarian tribes invaded and destroyed the Roman Empire. The Church, for centuries, has been the driving force behind art, architecture, science, medicine, and political theory. I know Hollywood and your seventh grade history teacher taught you otherwise. But they’re both peddling a discredited myth. Any historian worth his weight in research would not deny this. It can’t be denied. Facts are facts, which is an unfortunate reality for liars and propagandists.

I know what happens next. I lose more subscribers on Facebook and readers on my blog. The revisionists explode with indignant outrage at my suggestion that the Church hasn’t been an instrument of evil and sorcery. Fine. But as long as the news is talking about Catholics I thought you might want to hear from one who actually knows a little bit about his own religion.