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There was a Tea Party rally in DC today protesting the IRS and big government. Obviously, Tea Baggers (hehehe see what I did there?) are dangerous, violent, psychopaths, just as Obama has always said, so the demonstration quickly erupted into chaos. Acts of vengeance and brutality could be witnessed in all corners of the city. Conservative hate mongers smashed windows, threw rocks at law enforcement officials, defecated on police cars, and burned Nancy Pelosi in effigy. We’ve been warned many times about the threat the Tea Baggers (HAHA still funny!) pose, so it would have been confusing if thousands of them managed to gather and hold a civil and thoughtful discourse on the issues of the day. In fact, if the Tea Baggers are violent anarchists then, logically, violent anarchy would naturally ensue anytime hoards of them converge on one location. If it didn’t, the entire anti-Tea Party narrative would be exposed as a hysterical, hyperbolic charade. Thankfully then, anarchy ruled the day. Blood ran through the streets. Dear God. The humanity.

I don’t know why these people can’t just shut up and learn to love the government. I heard one of these Tea Baggers (LOLOL!!!! CLASSIC!!!) say that Obama acts like an “authoritarian dictator.” I’m all like… So? And? What’s your point? What’s SO freaking awful about having the government run every aspect of your life? I mean, can you still watch TV? Can you still take your pills? Can you still kill your baby? Yes, yes, and yes. Well then what’s the problem? There are only three essential freedoms and we still have them in this country: The freedom to be entertained, the freedom to be comfortable and the freedom to have sex without consequence. If the government ever does ANYTHING to even REMOTELY infringe of any of those, THEN you’ll have a legitimate gripe. Until then – calm down.

See, the problem with liberty is that it doesn’t give me anything. The government, on the other hand, gives me food, birth control and a cell phone. Can liberty compete with that? Nope. Liberty’s just sittin’ over there all like “hey, have some of me and then you can, like, be independent and make your own way in the world free from the, like, restrictive chains of an over involved and coercive central government or whatever.” I’m like “NO THANKS” lol. Who wants to be an individual anyway? Independence? Screw that. The collective is much more welcoming. If I stick with the collective I get to feel like a good person just for having no opinions about anything. It’s called “tolerance” and it’s the only virtue the government and the left wing espouse. It’s awesome because it requires nothing from me other than my submissive acceptance of stuff that doesn’t directly impact my lifestyle anyway. With independence and liberty I’m actually expected to have things like character, morality, judgment, prudence and courage. Screw that, bro.

Anyway, Tea Baggers (LMAO!! NEVER GETS OLD!!!!) hate the government in spite of all of the nice things its doing for us. Ungrateful jerks. I’m so sick of their attitude.