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There are hundreds of murder trials in this country every year. However, the media only decides to sensationalize a few of them. So how do they decide which ones to make a circus out of, and which ones to ignore? Well, lucky for you, I’m in the media. Here is the “Official Media Guide to Inappropriate and Absurdly Hysterical Murder Case Coverage” that they give you with your employee handbook when you’re hired to a broadcasting job:

Murder scenarios to sensationalize and gossip about incessantly:

– A young attractive white woman kills someone.

– A young attractive white woman is killed by someone.

– A celebrity is killed.

– A celebrity kills someone.

– A white guy kills a minority.

HOLY GRAIL: An attractive white celebrity woman kills a minority. (Fingers crossed).

Murder scenarios to ignore and/or coverup:

– An older and/or unattractive and/or non-white woman kills/is killed.

– A minority kills a white guy/woman.

– A minority kills a minority.

– A white guy kills a white guy.

AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE: A minority abortionist kills hundreds of infants.

So, there you go. If you’re wondering why everyone cares so much about some woman named Jodi Arias, yet they have little concern for the case of a man named Kermit Gosnell, they’re simply following the lead of the media who, in turn, simply follows the rules I’ve outlined here.

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