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Once again, modern American culture, I struggle to take you seriously. I struggle in general to take you seriously but most especially when it comes to your selective “moral outrage”. We live in a society where millions of parents won’t buy that cap gun for their son because they don’t want to “promote violence” – but they will walk a few aisles down and pick up some lipstick and a bikini for their 10 year old daughter. Or, for that matter, their 10 year old son (who knows anymore).

Better example of the dynamic: the people who think a high school should send home a permission slip before showing “Schindler’s List” to a history class, but would argue vehemently that middle schools should absolutely refrain from notifying mom and dad before handing an abortion pill to a 7th grader.

Recent example: The FCC might fine CBS for inadvertently allowing an “F-bomb” from Joe Flacco to make it on the air last night. Because, you know, we’re all horribly scarred to learn that football players sometimes use salty language. Seriously, what do you think will happen when you shove a mic in front of a man’s mouth right after he just won the Super Bowl? How do you think these guys are talking to each other on the side line and in the huddle? “Gosh darn it, Colin! Why’d you throw that stinkin’ interception?! Gee wilikers, that was a heck of an unfortunate play! Heavens to Betsy, I’m so steamed right now!”

So we penalize a TV network for revealing the horrible truth that NFL players don’t dialogue with one another like Full House characters. Yet many parents who were appalled by the “bad word” hardly flinched when various different companies decided that the best advertising method is to visually molest your prospective customers. We all saw the commercials. There was an ad featuring a man in tighty whities gyrating in front of the camera for 60 seconds. The one with the close up shot of some woman tongue kissing a fat dude. The other spot where a half naked guy wakes up after a night of anonymous bondage sex and finds a woman passed out next to him. And of course the Taco Bell promo that decided to sell burritos by showing old people make out and press their nipples up against a window. Just to name a few of the stand outs.

Look, I’m in the target demo for a lot of these advertisements. I’m supposed to be the moron who claps and giggles and shouts “HAHA IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE IT’S SEXUAL, GET IT?!” But this over the top, gratuitous, blatant sexuality really doesn’t work for me. Partly because it bores me. I’m not a brain dead, morally bankrupt idiot so I’m not so easily amused. And also there’s the fact that my nieces, ages 7 and 4, happened to be in the room for much of the time (it was a rowdy crowd at my Super Bowl party, clearly). If you aren’t EXTREMELY uncomfortable with a 7 year old girl watching up-close tongue kissing, there is something wrong with you. Period.

What would you do if you were in the park and some dude came over to your 4 year old and said “hey look!” and then stripped to his undies and danced? Well that’s what these marketing agencies are doing.

To be clear: I’m not advocating that the government do anything. They wouldn’t anyway, they have a vested interest in us all becoming witless, simpleminded, spiritually vacant deviants. But even if they would I wouldn’t want them to. This is a societal problem and it can not be cured by the State.

The problem, specifically, is that we have no cogent moral standards anymore. None. And anyone who points this out is mocked and ridiculed by the sexually starved mob for being “prude” or “old fashioned”. We also have completely lost our instinct to protect the innocence of children. Sure, we protect them against exposure to things like certain monosyllabic words and specific “violent” plastic toys, but we have no inclination to filter hardcore perversity from their view.

It’s insane. We’ve lost our minds. You can’t even watch a football game without getting a steady stream of SEXBONDAGESEXNUDITYSEXSEXSEXFORNICATIONSEX. I mean, I get it, alright America? You steep yourself in hyper sexualization to hide from the reality that you can’t develop and maintain a meaningful and fulfilling romantic relationship. Marriages and families then fall apart and it’s all just so hilarious and clever. Got it. Now grow up. 

You don’t have to be Amish to see that we’ve gone off the deep end entirely. And apparently the deep end leads to a sea filled with sexually desperate losers and voyeuristic clowns. In other words, the last people on earth I’d want to go swimming with.

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