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According to a new report, one in five high school aged boys have been “diagnosed” with ADHD. So why do so many young males in public schools seem to suffer from a “deficit” of attention? Well, clearly there is some sort of mysterious mental disease epidemic sweeping the nation. Obviously, without a doubt, our kids struggle to focus in academic environments because there is something wrong with them. They are diseased! Disordered, I tell you! Surely, this phenomenon couldn’t have anything to do with:

-Smart phones
-Lap tops
-Fast food
-Energy drinks
-Lack of physical exercise
-Constant barrages of advertising
-Boring curriculums
-Lack of discipline
-Broken homes
-Lack of sleep
-Poor diet
-Disinterest in academics
-A government school system that only suits a particular personality type and leaves everyone else at a disadvantage
-Over emphasis on memorization and regurgitation
-Shifts in cultural values
-Differing skill sets
-Big Pharma marketing tactics

No, these are mere semantics. And, even worse, they can’t be “treated” with a pharmaceutical pill. Oh, and of course we must dismiss the possibility that “ADHD” is, in fact, the self defeating stigmatization of creative, thoughtful, cerebral, artistic, brilliant kids who are actually enormously gifted, not disordered.

Nope. Can’t consider that at all. I mean, that would require us to embrace mental and intellectual diversity rather than treat it like gonorrhea. Oh, and we mustn’t meditate upon the ramifications of giving an increasing number of children an artificially achieved advantage through the use of narcotics and stimulants, thereby putting added pressure on the already struggling kids whose parents aren’t comfortable using mind altering drugs to accomplish the limited and temporary goal of passing tests and memorizing data from text books.

No, once again, we must ignore this aspect of the situation. Pretend it doesn’t exist. I’m just a naysayer, a judgmental jerk, you have your kids on hallucinogenic chemicals and how dare I question the practice. I don’t understand. I’ve never been there. Ignore me and everyone like me. Full speed ahead! One day soon, in a future utopia, maybe we can just cut to the chase and have our babies lobotomized within the first hour of their birth. Ah, that would solve everything.