Please disable your Ad Blocker to better interact with this website.

I went to Monster.com and did a bit of research for you. My very focused search for any job, in any category, anywhere in the US, yielded a veritable buffet of employment options.

From the first page alone I can see that they’re hiring production supervisors in Iowa, general sales associates in California, tire salesmen in Ohio, and maintenance workers in Florida, among other things. So that’s at least four jobs right there.

I did a little more digging and found this interactive map detailing the fastest growing industries in the nation’s most populous metro areas. Have you thought about Salt Lake? Beautiful city, gorgeous landscapes, low cost of living, and they’ve got job growth coming out the wazoo (to use a very technical economic term).

Forbes.com has an interesting write-up on US industries with the most job growth in the past year. Have you thought about getting into the wholesale lumber supply game?

Bob, have you even paid attention to what’s happening in North Dakota? They have so many jobs over there, they can hardly give them away fast enough. Just this past March they stood up and said, “Attention, America. We have 20,000 unfilled jobs out here. Who wants one? You can have two, if you like. Anyone want two? Two jobs a piece. Anyone?”

You might not like the average salary of a Walmart employee, but you should check out the average salary of an oil rig worker. I’m talking about 100 grand, dude. Yeah, it’s physically demanding, but you’re a young guy, aren’t you? Go let off some steam, drill some oil, and make some serious bank.

Get it together, Bob. The world is your oyster. If I was single, childless, and working low level retail in a shopping mall somewhere, you better believe I’d blow this popsicle stand and go wherever the opportunities are. Seriously, Bob, what are you doing? This is no way to live. Sleep walking through your Walmart shifts then coming home and trolling bloggers on the internet while you stew in jealousy and whisper curses at phantom rich people? You’re better than that. I’m glad that you want to get married, but I’m pretty sure your girlfriend wants a man who has a slightly more comprehensive five year plan.

I don’t know about Walmart’s devious exploitation of these tax loopholes, and I don’t care. The government collects about 3.5 trillion dollars a year in taxes, so excuse me if I don’t stay awake at night worrying that they’re losing a few bucks here and there. At some point we have to elect people who can figure out how to run a country on, oh, I don’t know, say a cool trillion or so. If we don’t then we will continue on this unsustainable path until our glorious American empire collapses into rubble, like so many before it. When that happens, I can guarantee you that historians 500 years from now will not look back on the ancient USA and say that we were ultimately undone by “tax loopholes.”

Now, as far as livable wages, I’m happy to report that Walmart does provide thousands of them. But not everything can be a living. You can’t make a living scowling at customers and angrily punching things into a cash register because that kind of performance just isn’t worth very much to your employer. Be more valuable to them, make more money.

Pretty simple.

Or think outside the box, Bob. Take a chance. Sweat a little. Pursue a different path. Invest your time and energy into something worthwhile.

Now get off my website and go make it happen. Next time I’m vacationing in North Dakota maybe we’ll cross paths on the street. You can tell me about all the dough you’re raking in and I can tell you about how ticked off my wife is that I forced her to vacation in North Dakota.

Then I’ll tell you that it’s been a long trip and we need food, some toiletries that we forgot to pack, oil for our car, a bottle of Advil, a case of beer, and access to a wide selection of every other item we might possibly require at prices that can’t be beat.

And you’ll, of course, point me to the nearest Walmart.

See you then.

Sincerely,

Matt

**********

COME TO MY LIVE SHOW [DEBUTING AUGUST 9TH].

FIND ME ON FACEBOOK.

AND TWITTER.

Send this to a friend