How far will 590 million dollars take you?

A Florida resident won 590 million dollars in the Powerball lottery. 590 million dollars. Sure, the IRS will take a chunk, especially if the winner is a conservative, but it’s still an enormous sum. Do you have any idea how much money that really is? You could buy 50 Bentleys and 5 mansions and fill an entire room in each house with gold coins like Scrooge McDuck. Forget the cars, you could buy a fleet of endangered ostriches and ride them around everywhere. You could have the ostriches genetically engineered to fly and breathe fire. You could spend 1000 dollars an hour, every hour, every day, for the rest of your life and you still wouldn’t run out of money. You and your whole family could live like pharaohs for 5 generations, or even longer if you invest it properly.

Or, if you’re not a selfish hoarding materialist, you could do immeasurable good. You could save lives, transform entire towns, help countless people. You could do a lot for posterity, like invent time travel. Seriously, with 500 million I bet you could build a time machine. Maybe not you, personally, but you could pay the ten smartest people in the world 10 million dollars each to invent a time machine. Maybe rent out a conference room at the Hilton, have it catered by Quiznos, and tell them not to come out until they’ve discovered the key to time travel. You could even pay armed guards to stand by the exit and execute anyone who tries to leave before innovating an effective method to traverse the space time continuum. Like I said, you could do a lot of good.

Or, if you’re the American government, you could waste the entire amount on nothing in less than 90 minutes. I want you to really contemplate this. Our government spends the equivalent of a record breaking Powerball jackpot every hour and a half. In the time it would take you to drive to the lottery office and cash in your ticket, our politicians will have spent well over the full amount of your winnings. It’s the sort of money that could change the world, and these reckless fools blow it in less time than it takes to watch three episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond. These incompetent thieves essentially spend Bill Gates’ entire net worth in a week. Every week. Take any great empire in the history of civilization, and our government could bankrupt it in a few days. It should be impossible do what they do. It’s like if you dropped someone in the middle of the ocean with nothing but a drinking straw, and when you came back 14 hours later they’re sitting in a huge, dry ditch. And they REALLY need to pee. Our government is so horrible that they manage to screw things up in mathematically anomalous ways. Plain and simple, you are a raging lunatic if you think a government NEEDS to appropriate TRILLIONS from its citizens and still rack up 40 thousand dollars of debt EVERY SECOND. They take more money from us than a thousand crackheads could spend in a thousand years, yet they still “need” to borrow trillions more.

Our government is a black hole. It consumes and destroys. That’s all it does. In fact, actual black holes are looking at our government and going “What the hell?!” It’s not funny. We officially have the worst management in the history of the known universe. And now watch most of these idiotic crooks get reelected.