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You need to watch this. The Department of Homeland Security has released (another) “informational video” (complete with creepy music!) about what to do if you’re caught in an “active shooter situation”. First of all, thank God we have this vaguely defined and wholly redundant department of government. I mean, obviously the CIA, FBI, NSA, ATF, National Guard, state police and local police just weren’t enough. We weren’t safe. We still aren’t. I think we need another agency. I won’t be satisfied until there are literally a thousand departments running around bumping into each other every time someone leaves their suitcase unattended at a bus station.

Notice the “tips” they give on how to survive a mass shooting. I don’t mean to spoil it but it seems to boil down to three options: 1) Run. 2) Cower in a corner behind a makeshift fort constructed of plastic trash bins and filing cabinets. Possibly paint yourself in White Out and try to blend in with the wall. Grab the Far Side desk calendar and flip through it to get a good laugh and calm your nerves. 3) This is not a joke, this is actually in the video: as a last resort defend yourself WITH SCISSORS. Yes. Attack a gun toting mad man with scissors. That is an officially sanctioned plan of action.

These cretins are so passionate about keeping you defenseless that they would sooner recommend you do battle with pointy office supplies then you actually bring a gun to a gun fight. They don’t care about you. They’d rather you die in a puddle of blood than destroy their narrative by saving lives by taking down a killer with a bullet to the face. Question, government: If the possibility of being caught in an active shooter situation is serious enough to warrant this video, then isn’t it real enough to warrant a concealed carry? The whole point of your PSA is that this could happen to me. Well, if it could happen to me shouldn’t I come prepared with more than a pencil and a thumb tack?

I don’t get it, DHS. Every day you remind me that the world is full of heavily armed bad guys. And yet you’d urge me to staple them to death before you’d suggest actually shooting back?

You first. You go equip your agents like Office Depot floor managers and then we’ll talk.