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If your mother dies and you are sad, according to the psychiatric community you suffer from a temporary “mental disorder” called Bereavement. If you are sad for a long time, you have a mental disease called Acute Stress Disorder. But if you aren’t sad enough that probably means you have a form of sociopathy, which is also a mental disorder.

If you tend to lose your temper on occasion, you are likely plagued with a psychological condition known as Intermittent Explosive Disorder.

If your 15 year old son can sometimes appear irritable and agitated, he is probably a victim of Disruptive Mood Disregulation Disorder.

If your 9 year old daughter can’t sit still in math class, she requires treatment for Attention Deficit Disorder.

If your toddler throws temper tantrums, he should be medicated for Temper Disregulation Disorder with Dysphoria.

If you don’t like large crowds and prefer to be alone, you most certainly have an Anti Social Disorder.

If you aren’t a big fan of government, you clearly have Anti Government Phobia disorder.

If you don’t like listening to authority figures, you are a case study in Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

Basically, if you are not a potato or a robot, and if you sometimes experience something we used to call “emotion”, then you suffer from a disease called “human”, which is the spring from which all other disorders flow, and you are in need of pharmaceutical correction — according to leading psychiatrists.

So when I hear people, even the NRA and other gun groups, propose taking second amendment rights away from the “mentally ill”, I can’t help but hesitate. There’s a mental illness for all of us, if only we find the right psychologist to charge us 400 dollars an hour to find it. The pharmeceutical companies would have us believe we should all be wearing white pajamas, eating Jello laced with Xanax in a padded room inside your friendly neighborhood psychiatric facility. That’s the game. Get you to fear the scary, dangerous, dark and mysterious “mentally ill” — right before the twist ending where you find out you’re one of them.

But then again, I’m only saying this because I have a classic case of Paranoid Personality Disorder. Someone, quick, give me meds and take my rights before I hurt someone.

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