The trailer for the new all-female “Ocean’s 11” reboot was unveiled this week. The Hollywood Reporter called it “the capstone 2017 needed.” Most regular people called it awful and stupid.
What else could it be other than awful and stupid? It’s a reboot of a remake of a remake, which means it already has all the fun and freshness of dried vomit. The feminist twist just gives it an extra touch of preachiness and pandering, like a vomit stain that comes to life and lectures you about the patriarchy.
But I expect it won’t be any worse than the fantastically terrible and pointless female “Ghostbusters” film from a few years ago. That one set the bar for the others, a group that will soon include a female remake of “Lord of the Flies,” and a female remake of “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,” and a female remake of “The Rocketeer.” There’s also a female remake of some movie called “License to Drive,” originally starring Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. The movie is being described as a “female version of ‘Superbad.'”
I was going to joke that they’re even planning a female “Expendables” but then I checked and apparently they really are planning a female “Expendables.”
What’s next? Why not a remake of the 2010 remake of the 1969 adaptation of “True Grit”? You could put a butt-kicking blond woman — Charlize Theron, let’s say, or Scarlett Johansson — in John Wayne’s original role as Rooster Cogburn. Or perhaps we could have a female “Die Hard” with Melissa McCarthy as Jean McClane, John’s sassy younger cousin. Instead of killing the bad guys she could just annoy them to death. It would be so empowering!
Sorry, “empowering” may be the wrong word. I think the term I’m searching for is “ridiculous.” Also, “childish,” “silly,” “demeaning,” and “disingenuous.”
I realize, of course, that I’m not allowed to criticize the girl power reboot trend without being accused of misogyny. Surely there is a feminist writer for Jezebel searching Twitter as we speak for evidence of a “sexist outcry” against the female “Ocean’s” film. I’m sure this article will be cited as Exhibit A. But this is not an outcry. I don’t care enough to be a part of an outcry. I just think it’s dumb, that’s all. Really dumb.