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Dear Senator Wendy Davis,

Congrats! I know this is a bit belated, but I wanted to write a message of salutations and congratulations after that abortion rights filibuster you pulled off in the Texas senate this past week. The media tells me it was “historic” and “game changing” and “epic,” and I know it must have been because they only use those terms to describe, like, ten or twenty different events every day.

What a heroic performance it was. You were like Joan of Arc, Mother Teresa and Harriet Tubman, all rolled into one. Except they stood for courage, righteousness, truth, peace, and love, while you stood for the billion dollar abortion industry. They protected and defended life, while you protected and defended your right to destroy life. They faced grave danger, you face the adulation, admiration and campaign donations of the media, Hollywood, the president, pop culture, the abortion lobby and millions of Americans. The parallels are striking.

That’s why I’m writing to say “job well done.” In the midst of literally no adversity, you rose up and voiced an opinion that was sure to make you popular amongst the most powerful people in the country. How did you ever muster the courage? And let us not forget the content of your profoundly important message: That abortion clinics should not be regulated and the health and safety of its patients should not be ensured! Amen! Huzzah! So a few women die here and there due to extreme negligence and profit driven exploitation, big deal. We care about your reproductive rights, not your right to not be mutilated, injured, infected, or killed by quacks who flunked out of all legitimate medical fields and decided to perform abortions instead. This bill would have brought abortion enterprises up to snuff with every other facet of the medical industry, and required clinics to match the same standards that all other outpatient medical facilities are forced to adhere to — and that is just unacceptable. Certainly an orthodontist or a podiatrist must meet many health, safety and disclosure standards, that’s just logical. But an abortion clinic? Come on. Remember, Gosnell was unfairly and unjustly persecuted for killing hundreds of infants and at least two women, along with running a grotesquely unsanitary facility where patients were operated on with dirty medical tools and given lethal doses of drugs by untrained and unlicensed 15 year olds, while the body parts of dead babies piled up in the refrigerator and women sat on blood stained couches before being ushered into the bathroom to give birth into toilets, like these are “crimes” or something. This was all made possible for thirty years because of a total lack of regulatory oversight. Everyone in government was either too ideologically invested in abortion, or too afraid of the people who are, to do anything about these so called “horrific atrocities.” And that’s how it should be. Now, reports have circulated about Gosnell-ish clinics all across the country, including one right down there in Houston, and so we MUST make sure that there are NO laws or policies enforcing any standards of safety, hygiene and general human decency on abortion clinics — that is a burden they simply can’t be saddled with.

I mean, when women-haters babble on about imposing basic health and safety codes on abortion clinics, it makes me almost as mad as when they insist that the clinics should be forced to offer ultrasounds to their patients. What barbarians! Why should an abortion facility be required to provide information to women before taking their money and killing their kid? Ignorance and darkness, that’s the only proper environment in which to run a reputable abortion business. Again, literally all other medical fields are required by law to offer all available information to patients before performing surgical procedures, but abortionists must stay exempt from this otherwise reasonable policy!

Oh, but I mustn’t forget the most important message in your filibuster: Unborn children are expendable pieces of insignificant trash and we must never hinder society’s ability to exterminate as many of them as possible! Hell, they aren’t even “children,” they’re fetuses. Which means “offspring” in Latin, so it’s, like, totally a different thing. Hey, how did you explain to your own child that she was utterly worthless while she was in your womb? That must have been a really special moment when you had that talk with her. I know anytime my children point to a woman’s pregnant tummy and say “Look daddy, she has a baby,” I’ll make sure to correct them. “No, honey, she has a parasite that she can, and probably should, have extracted and thrown in the garbage.” The Texas bill would outlaw abortions after 20 weeks. At 20 weeks, the fetus has things like a brain, a nervous system, a heart, lungs, fingers, toes, the ability to hear his mother’s voice, the ability to dream, the ability to feel pain. But anyone who wants to protect these indisputably human creatures and stop them from being brutally butchered is clearly driven by a hatred for women or poor people or minorities or something! (Even though females, blacks, and the poor are exactly the demographics most often killed through abortions, but we are more focused on protecting their sex habits, not their very existence). During your filibuster you said, while arguing for the violent destruction of fully formed children, that you are speaking for those who have been “silenced.” Then, a crowd of fans erupted in uproarious applause. What a moment that was — a crowd of people stomping their feet and screaming for baby killing. How inspiring. It was like a scene from the Walking Dead, and I mean that in a good way, of course.

One more thing: You keep making the point that men have no right to have an opinion about abortion, and they certainly ought to have no say in whether their children live or die. Thanks for this. Please, keep trying to drive that wedge between men and women and men and their children. If there’s one thing our society needs to do, it’s stop men from caring about their families. There is just TOO much paternal involvement in society and it’s really becoming a problem. I mean, what good is it to simply turn women against their own children if we aren’t also turning them against their husbands, and disconnecting their husbands from their children? Let the message ring out: Men shouldn’t give a crap about kids! Hooray! Freedom!

Anyway, well Governor Perry will be reintroducing the bill you derailed. Stupid son of a gun just won’t get off his “we shouldn’t murder sentient human children” bandwagon. I hope you stand again and do whatever you can to stop him. Congratulations. If you are successful, more children will die as a direct result of your actions. You must be so proud.


Matt Walsh