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I’m no detective but I’ve deduced that those kids I just saw at the liquor store were underage drinkers. Let’s go through the official “Suspected Teenagers Trying to Buy Booze Checklist” to see if they fit the criteria:

1) Are they traveling in a group of at least five? Check.

2) Not a speck of facial hair between them? Check.

3) Reeking of Axe Body Spray? Check.

4) Are they far too amused and excited and are they annoying the hell out of you while you’re just trying to pick up some bourbon after a long week at work? Check.

5) Did they finally settle on a 30 pack of Milwaukee’s Best? Check.

6) When they got behind you in line did they suddenly fall into a nervous silence? Check.

Yeah, this is textbook. Honestly, I feel guilty that I didn’t say anything. I should have pulled them aside, reached out to them, talked to them. I should have said to them: “Guys, you don’t have to do this. You don’t have to drink Milwaukee’s Best. They’ve got 24 packs of Sam Adams right over there.”

But I didn’t act. I saw something and I said nothing and for that I am ashamed.

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