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Dear Teachers Unions,

You gotta understand something. There are only like 11 or 12 of us left in the whole country who are taxed into oblivion to pay for everything you people in government want to do. So I speak as a self-appointed representative of this persecuted minority when I say the following: SHUT UP AND GET BACK TO WORK, WE DON’T PAY YOU TO HOLD SIGNS AND MOAN LIKE ADOLESCENT BRATS EVERY TIME SOME RELATIVELY SMALL BIT OF LEGISLATION GOES AGAINST YOUR FINANCIAL INTERESTS.  

Please take that in the spirit with which is was intended. And, to be clear, it’s a spirit of resentment, anger and emotional exhaustion. Do you know what it’s like for us? Can you possibly understand? Here we are making all the money to keep this ship afloat and we have to turn on the news and see you people standing outside on a workday yelling and screaming and waving your arms around. And you’re still getting paid while you do it.

And what is this most recent protest about, anyway? Because Michigan had the gumption to allow people to DECIDE FOR THEMSELVES whether they want to join a union and pay dues? You’re against THAT? Seriously? You’re really taking the position that educators should be coerced and forced into joining your blood sucking parasitic organization? Hey, quick question, how many of you folks would identify yourselves as “pro-choice” if I asked? Probably, what, like 99 percent of you?

The irony is so thick I’m choking on it.

I feel bad for the teachers who want nothing to do with you but are forced to join. I’ve spoken with many of them. They mutter in hushed tones about you because you’re a tyrannical institution that does not tolerate dissent or criticism. But rest assured they detest you more than I do. 

You’re half the reason why my kids will be home schooled. My wife could unionize I suppose but it probably wouldn’t improve her compensation package.

One more thing: at least have the common decency to get rid of those signs you pull out at your strikes and rallies that say things like “WE’RE DOING THIS FOR OUR STUDENTS!” Nobody buys that crap, ok? We don’t, your students don’t, and you sure as hell don’t. I’m pretty sure your students won’t magically know how to read and communicate in grammatically correct sentences because you got yourself a bigger pension and decreased accountability. In fact, I’m quite sure the ancient Greeks produced the smartest and most revolutionary thinkers in the history of human civilization with the aid of nary a teachers union. Actually I’d even bet Plato figured out a way to educate Aristotle without once picketing for more vacation time or more doughnuts in the break room.

Then again, my teachers were unionized and I’m the guy who just dropped that brilliantly obscure historical reference, so maybe there’s something to your claims.

Anyway, listen, why don’t we baby step this thing? Can you make it through, say, three weeks without organizing a walkout, strike or protest? I bet you can. Especially since Christmas break is coming up and I know you damn sure aren’t going to picket on your day off. That would defeat the whole purpose, after all.


A Former Public School Victim  Inmate  Statistic  Propaganda Receptacle    Student