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Many newsfeed reminds me that today is 420, the pot smoker’s holiday. I don’t celebrate the occasion but I thought I’d offer a few thoughts because I’m an overly opinionated loudmouth.

First, to the people I’m seeing post pictures of themselves smoking weed: I believe your actions should be legal. I don’t judge you negatively for this hobby of yours. So if you’re retired, independently wealthy, successfully self employed, or you work for a head shop and plan on making a career of it, proceed as you wish with photos of yourself blowing smoke into the camera like Snoop Dogg. BUT if you’re unemployed, and currently scanning for a well-compensated position with the opportunity for advancement, and you’ve just published images of your marijuana habit on the Internet — Well, bro, it might be time for some serious self reflection. Like it or not, fairly or unfairly, most reputable employers probably aren’t going to be super stoked to see pictures of their job applicant smoking a blunt on Facebook. I know, crazy right? Just a tip. Take it or leave it. But I prefer you take the tip than you take another 20 unemployment checks while you ponder the mysteries of how it is that so many companies are choosing to decline your sticky icky services.

Second, with that awkward business out of the way, let me say this: Can’t we all agree at this point that marijuana prohibition is a completely absurd sham? In my life I’ve literally never heard a coherent argument in support of it. Never. And this is coming from a guy who, admittedly, and to my everlasting shame, used to MAKE arguments in support of it. But then, in a moment of clarity, I said to myself, “Hmm, self, it appears you agree with the criminalization of marijuana for the simple and intellectually unacceptable reason that you, personally, don’t like pot. You can either continue to be like every other moron who confuses emotions with principles, or you can jump off of this particular ship and instead be right”. So I chose to be right, and I would urge you to do the same. We live in a country where half of the population doses itself on prescription narcotics, millions of kids are forcibly put on prescription speed and legalized hallucinogens, tens of thousands die of overdoses from drugs they bought at Walgreens, tens of thousands more die from alcohol poisoning and drunk driving accidents, and yet marijuana,the safest, least addictive, least potent, most natural, and the only non-lethal substance on the list, is the only one we put people in prison for using. It’s insane. It really is. We’re the most drug addicted, chemically dependent society in the history of civilization and yet, somehow, we still have a 1950’s government PSA-esque view of cannabis.

Last year, the Feds confiscated over a billion dollars worth of weed from the dirt poor population of eastern Kentucky. And while we stop them from feeding their families by selling a safe, useful plant for profit, pharmaceutical companies raked in another few hundred billion dollars dealing synthesized heroin to soon-to-be addicts across the country. I know why we do this. I get it. The anti-marijuana crusade is an extremely profitable jobs program for the government. But there’s no reason why Jane and Joe Schmoe taxpayer ought to cheer this lunacy on.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a slight tooth ache so I’m going to go chug painkillers until my liver explodes. It’s the American way