I’ve been divorced four times, but homosexuals are the ones destroying marriage

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Last night, someone emailed and asked me to write about the gay marriage case in Virginia. This morning, a woman from Wisconsin asked if I would blog about the gay marriage case in her state. A few readers in Utah have also requested that I chime in on the gay marriage fight there.

And so I was going to do just that. I sat down to type a scathing rant about gay marriage. I sat down to tell the world that gay marriage is the greatest threat to the sanctity of marriage.

But then I remembered this:


That’s a sign I saw on the side of the road a little while back. Divorce for sale! Only 129 dollars! Get ‘em while they’re hot!

And then I remembered an article I read last week about the new phenomenon of “divorce parties.” Divorced is the new single, the divorce party planner tells us.

And then I remembered another article claiming that the divorce rate is climbing because the economy is recovering. Now that things are getting a little better, we can finally splurge on that divorce we’ve always wanted!

And then I remembered that – ebbs and flows notwithstanding – there is one divorce every 13 seconds, or over 46,000 divorces a week in this country. And then I remembered that, although the “50 percent of marriages end in divorce” statistic can be misleading, we’re still in a situation where there are half as many divorces as there are marriages in a single year.


Sorry to scream at you.

But I remembered that marriage has for decades been, from a legal perspective, the least meaningful, least stable, and least protected contract in existence, and I think this fact should be emphasized.

And then I remembered how many Christian churches gave up on marriage long ago, allowing their flock to divorce and remarry and divorce and remarry and divorce and remarry, and each time permitting the charade of “vows” to take place on their altars. And then I remembered that churches CAN lower the divorce rate simply by taking a consistent position on it — which is why practicing Catholics are significantly less likely to break up — but many refuse because they are cowards begging for the world’s approval.

And then I remembered that over 40 percent of America’s children are growing up without a father in the home. And then I remembered that close to half of all children will witness the breakdown of their parent’s marriage. Half of that half will also have the pleasure of watching a second marriage fall apart.

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And then I remembered that more and more young people are opting out of marriage because the previous generation was so bad at it that they’ve scared their kids away from the institution entirely.

I remembered all of these things, and I decided to instead write about the most urgent threat to the sanctity of marriage.


Divorces are as common as flat tires, and they often happen for reasons nearly as frivolous.

The institution of marriage is crumbling beneath us; it’s under attack, it’s mortally wounded, it’s sprawled out on the pavement with bullet wounds in its back, coughing up blood and gasping for breath. And guess who did this? It wasn’t Perez Hilton or Elton John, I can tell you that.

This is the work of divorce.

I am an opponent of gay marriage, but we here in the “sanctity of marriage” camp are tragically too afraid to approach the thing that is destroying marriage faster than anything else ever could. Gay marriage removes from marriage its procreative characteristic, but rampant divorce takes away its permanent characteristic. It makes no sense to concentrate all of our energy on the former while all but ignoring the latter.

To make matters worse, some of the loudest mouth pieces for “traditional marriage” in media and politics are bigamists, adulterers, and men with two, three, or four ex-wives. It’s not that you can’t defend the sanctity of marriage when you have been divorced multiple times, it’s just that you have zero credibility on the subject.

If you beat and abuse your children so badly that they have to be removed from you, you could, I suppose, still complain if you found out that your kids are also being mistreated in their foster home. But your anger must first be directed at yourself, because it is YOUR FAULT that they are suffering in this way.

So whose fault is it that the institution of marriage is beaten and broken? I don’t think we want to contemplate that question, for fear that we might see ourselves in the answer.

Should laws be written to “defend marriage”? Sure, and let’s start with legislation to make divorces at least somewhat harder to obtain than a magazine subscription. How serious are we about this? Anyone up for a law to criminalize adultery? What about putting some restrictions on re-marriage?

There are certainly times when a couple has no choice but to go their separate ways. What else can you do in cases of serial abuse or serial adultery, or when one party simply abandons the other? But infidelity and abuse do not explain the majority of divorces in this country, and they are not the leading causes of break-ups. According to these “experts,” the top causes of divorce are a lack of individual identity, “getting into it for the wrong reasons,” and “becoming lost in the roles.” A survey done by the National Fatherhood Institute found lack of communication, and finances to be the leading culprits. An article in The Examiner also cites finances as the most potent divorce-fuel.

In other words, these days marriages can be blown apart by the slightest gust of wind, coming from any direction, and for any reason. Noticeably absent from all of these polls about the reasons for divorce: gay marriage.

That’s because gay marriage is not the biggest threat to marriage.

We are.

We are, when we vow on our very souls to stand by someone for the rest of our lives, until death do us part, only to let financial troubles and communication difficulties dissolve that union we forged before God. We are, when we forget about those Biblical readings we picked out for our wedding service:

My lover belongs to me and I to him.
He says to me:
“Set me as a seal on your heart,
as a seal on your arm;
For stern as death is love,
relentless as the nether world is devotion;
its flames are a blazing fire.
Deep waters cannot quench love,
nor floods sweep it away.”

For stern as death is love.

When we marry, we die. Our old selves die, and we are born anew into each other; into the unbreakable marital bond.

We are a threat to the sanctity of marriage when we let our selfishness fool us into thinking that our wedding vows weren’t that serious.

Indeed, despite popular sentiment, they were serious. They are serious. They’re as serious as death.

The struggle to protect marriage is also serious. It’s an important battle.

So maybe it’s time we actually start fighting it.

*NOTE. To answer your questions: no, I have not actually been divorced four times. I’ve been married once, and I’m still married to her, and I’ll never be married to anyone else. The title was tongue-in-cheek. I was writing it from the perspective of the sorts of people who rant about the sanctity of marriage, yet have racked up multiple ex-spouses. Perhaps I should have been more clear about this. In any case, there it is. I appreciate your concern.


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1,010 Responses to I’ve been divorced four times, but homosexuals are the ones destroying marriage

  1. MarkJ says:

    Marriage will continue to degrade until folks go back to understanding the concept of sacrifice for people you love (maybe not LIKE, but love). Viewing love as an emotion is problematic. Does that mean we fall out of love every time our spouse does something we don’t like? Of course not! Love is a decision . . . and “act of the will”. I “will” love my spouse–even if I have to do it through gritted teeth!!! Emotions are part of love but sometimes those emotions are good and sometimes they are bad.

    An honorable husband is someone who CHOOSES to eat his wife’s hamburger stroganoff without a word even when it smells like the inside of his shoes. The honorable wife is someone who CHOOSES to cook her husband hamburger stroganoff even when she thinks it tastes like dirt. The choice to love someone is often DIFFICULT!!!. Obviously, separating from an abusive spouse is always necessary . . . BUT . . . there should ALWAYS be a desire to help the abusive spouse get the help he/she needs and then reconcile when the abuse ends.

    When we enter into a marriage thinking “I think this person is someone who can make me happy forever” we don’t have a chance–because NO ONE can do that! Instead, we should be thinking “I think this person is someone who I can help to be happy forever”.

    The problem is that this sounds foolish to most people. “What? You want me to put THEIR happiness before my own? Are you crazy?”. Our culture pounds the “me-me-me” message into us from childhood and, unless our parents push back against this culture, we have no chance of growing up as anything but selfish people.

    • B Ambrose says:

      That was beautifully expressed. I am going to quote you if you don’t mind…

    • Aspergian says:

      I agree with you. Love is a choice, an act of will. Even world renowned psychologists believe this and God does too. That’s why God gave us the ability to choose because then we could choose love. No one is born gay, we don’t fall in love….we fall in lust. Marriage is a sacred institution

      • Razor5621 says:

        We don’t need any hoyty-toyty, high-falutin (too lazy to check spelling) psychologists to tell us what common sense tells us. Anyone who thinks this through to its logical conclusion will arrive at the same answer.

        God gave us the intellect to figure this stuff out!

    • Kim says:

      Well said! :)

    • Married for 25 years says:

      Divorced 4 times? You’ve been divorced 4 times. Maybe you should seek therapy. I mean please, Even in baseball you only get three strikes. 4 times Really???? Next time you post something maybe you should reflect on a better title. I find it very problematic that you could give a detailed and well thought out explanation on this subject. After all 4 time loser is not something to brag about. Stop trying to teach people about culture when you obviously haven’t got a clue. 4 times DIVORCE, You have to be a liberal. Don’t take my word for it, after all, I’ve only been married for 25 years to the same wonderful person.

      • pappad says:

        My thought was, “This guy doesn’t like marriage…he just likes weddings!”

      • Lane says:

        He hasn’t been divorced 4 times, the title was simply a way to catch attention for the article. Self-righteous much?

        • Thank you Lane, I was just going to tell them that! There is a Note at the Bottom in Bold print. This makes me think that the two people above you who commented, were already forming there response after the first few sentences. So they were no longer paying attention to what Matt had to say. Big problem in our society, we are all ready to talk without first LISTENING. ; ^ (

      • Leisa says:

        Guess you didn’t read past the head-liner, huh?

      • Dennis says:

        You just proved, you didn’t read the whole piece. Nice job, another liberal pretending to be a conservative.

    • C. Day says:

      agree absolutely 100%, very succinctly, truthfully, and biblically put. Wish this was preached from our pulpits, young married classes, and, to those getting married. Thank you.

      • Razor5621 says:

        VERY good point! This NEEDS to start happening!!!

        Today was a perfect opportunity to preach the truth from the pulpit! Part of today’s reading is “It was also said, Whoever divorces his wife must give her a bill of divorce.
        But I say to you, whoever divorces his wife – unless the marriage is unlawful – causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

        How many Catholics heard their priest quote the Catechism (p. 2384) :

        “Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign. Contracting a new union, even if it is recognized by civil law, adds to the gravity of the rupture: the remarried spouse is then in a situation of public and permanent adultery. If a husband, separated from his wife, approaches another woman, he is an adulterer because he makes that woman commit adultery, and the woman who lives with him is an adulteress, because she has drawn another’s husband to herself.”

        I would guess NO ONE heard their priest say ANYTHING about divorce from the pulpit today! If you did, you are blessed and should THANK your priests for his courage because his job is probably about to be taken away by the [arch]diocesan bishop!!!

        This is EXACTLY why divorced and remarried people are not allowed to DESECRATE the holy Eucharist by receiving the body and blood of Christ–because they are living in a state of mortal sin!!! . . . and yet some of our bishops are pushing to allow this (German bishops especially). THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND the beauty of Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament of the Eucharist and how it is sacrilegious to allow people in mortal sin to receive Him!!! Every one of them condoning this wretched behavior should told the truth and then excommunicated IMMEDIATELY if they are unable to “get it”!!!

        Sorry, I am SO SICK of being “nicey, nicey” when SOULS ARE GOING TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        HEY CATHOLIC BISHOPS–START PREACHING THE TRUTH and holding your priests to the truth too!!! If you don’t have the KAHUNAS then step aside and let someone with the BALLS to do your job do it!!!!! FOCUS ON ETERNITY you wretched FOOLS!!! Who cares if your pension is taken away? Who cares if your seat at the head of the table in the local parish fish fry is given to someone else? Who cares if Dolan wants to SCHMOOSE with Obama at some fancy-dancy dinner but let his soul burn in hell for eternity? YOUR soul is in jeopardy! MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE SOULS OF YOUR FLOCK ARE IN JEOPARDY!!! Get back to the truth you know in your heart and start leading your flock as though you care about their eternal soul!!! “GROW A PAIR” AND JUST DO IT!!!

        I’m done now. All you “nice” Catholics can tell me how I am a horrible person for making people feel bad–but I’d rather have them feel bad in this life and spend eternity in the presence of Our Lord than feel good in this life and spend eternity in hell!!!

    • American says:

      All true but we aren’t marrying because we know it will end in divorce and we will be falsely accused of the most reprehensible things by the woman’s divorce attorney to move things along and improve her position in taking as much from us as humanly possible. Only a masochist would subject themselves to that. We aren’t masochists. We’re men not marrying.

  2. Pingback: Sam-sex Marriage; Al Mohler, Bill Nye and Ken Ham; David Fitch; Donald Miller; Obamacare; and R.C. Sproul on the Age of the Earth « ChosenRebel's Blog

  3. Dan says:

    I think many states actually still have adultery laws on the books; most choose to never enforce them.

    • sniff says:

      Most!?!? Do you know of any that do!?

      • c matt says:

        Generally, they are enforced indirectly during the divorce proceeding itself – i.e, the adultery can be used in the divorce proceeding as a basis for giving the innocent spouse a larger share of the marital property.

  4. human7billion says:

    It doesn’t matter what your sexual preference is, marriage is supposed to be a holy union between a man and woman. LGTB rights fall under human rights and I support any same sex legal union. However as a Christian, I am offended by anyone who twists the Word of God. Do not say you are sanctified when you live in sin. Also remember “no one is righteous, no not one” and that means exactly what it says. Just remember you are allowed to share what is in your heart, but you cannot force your opinions or God’s Word on others. If you want to save marriage, live by the wisdom and Word of God. Better you be a beacon of light than a basket to cover a lamp.
    And those of you with evil in your hearts who freely speak it to others, even your words will be held against you. Saved, or not, we all will stand before God on judgment day. Only Jesus Christ will stand between those who are saved and God.
    p.s. we’re all hypocrites, we’re all full of shit. as difficult as life’s journey will be, let’s try to at least keep our assholes out of our opinions.

    • pappad says:

      …which we can take to be irony in speaking about gays? “LGBT rights” are nothing special. They’re the same rights that you and I enjoy and always have been.

  5. Matt Walsh is a Moron says:

    “And then I remembered”
    “And then I remembered”

    And then I remembered Matt Walsh is a fucking hack and can’t write a decent thing to save his life. This is such a terrible use of anaphora. He probably thinks he is such a good writer.

  6. Absence says:

    Real Christians would not speak of their opposition to gay marriage because God judges people, not self-righteous Christians. I doubt a single opponent of gay marriage is without sin, so they really should stop picking up stones.

    • Corrine says:

      So, what you are saying is… We as Christians should not stand up for God honoring principles because we ourselves are not perfect? I know I’m not perfect, but that does not stop me from pursuing Godliness and Holiness and encouraging others to do the same. God called me to act in boldness for Him, and I have no intention of arguing with Him. You can choose your own path but pursuing Jesus is my mission and my delight.

      • Absence says:

        The crowd of people that we’re going to stone the adultering to death also believed in the sacred holiness of their actions, Jesus’ whole point in stopping them is that none of them had the right to judge her worthiness because every human, without exception, is imperfect. God should be perfectly capable of judging people on his own without some infinitesimal being like yourself to help. Also, it is the height of arrogance to assume you can know the heart of an infinite being based on a couple hundred pages of text he left laying around thousands of years ago. You don’t know how God really feels about gay people, you’re just invoking his name to cover your personal disgust at gay people loving one another, which I think would make Jesus really sad if he were around today.

        • Absence says:

          Poor formatting from my mobile device, apologies, opening statement should read, “The crowd of people that were going to stone the adultering woman to death…”

        • sniff says:

          Yes. ^this^ well said.
          You should stand up for what you believe in – in your own life (and get it right!). Let others be, do, act, love, and live the way they were made to, want to, and choose to.

          I think Matt Walsh is an arrogant, ignorant, immature, thoughtless belly-button gazer who, in the next 25 years, will regret that the technology of the interwebs have memorialized his idiocy for all of time. Two years does not a happy marriage make, if you aren’t having a blast now, you’re doing it wrong.

          For the marriage test: have some kids. Lose a job. Make a bad decision. Get cancer. Have an affair. Disagree with your church about what they consider a “primary issue”. Develop an addiction. Experience what it means to be fully human.

          Do that successfully, manage to make it with integrity through the experience, AND preserve your marriage? Then, having scraped by through the grace of God (if you even believe in said God in the same way you do now), you will no longer have the energy to be such a judgmental prick. You will simply be grateful, humble, and loving. And if you are particularly self aware, you may even realize that gay people who do the same should be celebrated because at the end of the day: Marriage is really really hard. And what it takes to make a marriage work is the same in every family – and those who do deserve to be celebrated. And those who don’t, should be comforted. (Matt 5:4)

          But hey. Welcome to being 25!

        • Lane says:

          that is a great post!

        • Absence says:

          Very well put. To be frank it astonishes me that Christians have any time to mess with gay people when there are ao many poor people in the world. Their holy book states repeatedly that helping poor people is a huge, prominent, priority. But it costs money to help the poor and modern Christians are, on the whole, too materialistic to shell out most their disposable income to do what their savior told them to. Jesus said nothing about gay people and the Christian obsession with gay lifestyle is a staggering betrayal of Jesus’ primary message: Love.

        • pappad says:

          I might agree if “love” and “sex” meant the same thing. They don’t.

        • Absence says:

          I’m sorry, are you speaking as a nueroscientist or as some judgemental busybody who derives facts about human physiology from a book written in the Bronze Age?

        • pappad says:

          I’m speaking as someone who fully understands the difference between “making love” and “having sex.” Do you need a lesson?

        • Dawn says:

          A problem with your little story, Jesus did say, let you without sin throw the first stone. BUT, (what you and others seem to forget), Jesus said to the woman, Go and SIN no more. As moral people we have to defend and set right the things that are not right. Did you forget HIV and AIDS? These are just a few of the consquences of gay love as well as multiple partners. I heard a statistic that in the early 60′s there were only 3 sexually transmitted dieases, now, about 30! In closing, God loves the person but HATES the sin. Open your Bible and READ, it will open your mind.

        • BowWow says:

          Sniff said, “You should stand up for what you believe in…”
          Then Sniff spends a couple hundred words deriding Matt for doing exactly that! There’s a word for that. It’s call “hypocracy.”

        • Free and forgiven says:

          So…the story of the adulteress you quoted isn’t from “the couple hundred pages of text he(?) left lying around thousands of years ago”? It is true that perfection eludes us ALL and no one and I mean NO ONE is too bad or too good to qualify for God’s unconditional love and forgiveness. Christianity is a relationship and NOT a religion…a relationship with the Most High…for those who choose so…nevertheless, God is Spirit, and this relationship cannot be defined under our carnal, restricted, self righteous terms but HIS…a relationship in which one cannot but acknowledge his/her insufficiency as we stand before this “infinite being” as you quote, our position of perfect sinners in desperate need of His divine forgiveness…and we who have experienced His Grace and Mercy in our lives KNOW how God feels about homosexuals, adulterers, fornicators, liars, thieves, murderers, the slanderous, treacherous, conceited, abusive, unforgiving, self centered, ungodly, lovers of money and pleasure and so on…and you know why? WE WERE ONE OF THEM! And this is it: God LOVES the sinner but HATES sin. The choice is yours….

        • Leisa says:

          *applauds* Well said.

      • ed says:

        To humbly call sinners to repentance is far from being judgemental, it is the gospel. It is seeking the salvation of our fellow human beings. To be accused of being judgemental (as if the accusation itself is not judgemental) is to bear the reproach of Christ. When he or his disciplines called sinners to repentance they to were hated, killed, or stoned. Only let it be done in love, something we all fall short of.

    • James says:

      There’s no way you just tried to cite the story of Christ’s reaction to the woman taken in adultery. You clearly haven’t read it. Christ doesn’t condemn her to death, but he closes by saying “Go thy way and in no more.”. There is a huge difference between not condemning someone to death for their actions and telling them it is okay to keep doing it.

      • Absence says:

        My point is that it isn’t your place to judge. You be nice to people and love them unconditionally, god judges. There is no need for your unsolicited vocal opinions on these people’s lives, especially because doing so indicates you don’t trust god to judge for himself(plus who the hell are you to pass judgement? You’re just a mote of dust on the winds of eternity).

        • James says:

          Choosing not to condone someone’s actions is not even remotely the same as passing judgement.

        • Becca says:

          There’s a huge difference in punishing someone for sinning and simply calling sin a sin. Christians aren’t walking around suggesting we execute all the gays. And love isn’t always pretty. Part of your duty in a marriage (and other loving relationships) involves calling those you love out on what they’re doing wrong and what could be harmful to them. It’s called loving rebuke. Granted, there’s a right and wrong way to do it and the church has on multiple occasions done it wrong, but the majority of Christians I know (myself included) and working harder and harder to communicate this message with love. That does not mean condoning everything someone does though.

        • mojohn says:

          You’re correct. It’s up to God to decide each person’s eternal place of abode at Judgment (what Jesus was addressing in Matthew 7:1). However, in this lifetime, we are called to evaluate behavior and call to repentence those who are violating God’s will as stated by Jesus in John 7:24: “Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.”

    • mommyx4boys says:

      real christians do not want to see anyone go to hell so since i am a christian if someone who is gay asked me if i thought it was right then i would have to say no and explain why. just like if an alcoholic asked me if the way they live is ok the answer would be no. however that does not mean i would not be friends with someone who is gay and care about them and love them. my cousin is gay and i dont care about him any less. it is not my job as a christian to judge anyone but as a christian it is my job to simply say there will be a judgement and be careful what choices you make.

    • Tim says:

      And we should also turn a blind eye to:

      -child sex trafficking

      Hell, all laws should just be abolished if a Christian had anything to do with implementing them because CHRISTIANS ARENT PERFECT. Sound, flawless thinking.

      • Bren says:

        AMEN Tim!

      • All those things that you just mentioned, you do to someone against their will. That is definitely not equal to two adults that wish to have a loving, long term supportive life together when they are not the traditional Man and Wife.

        • Bren says:

          The willingness of the recipient of the hurtful behavior, done to them by another, does not negate the hurtfulness of the behavior nor the long-term impact of it. If someone wants me to kill them, it is still murder if I take their life (regardless of what Dr. Jack Kevorkian claims). If I buy someone that wants to be owned (for whatever reason), it is still slavery, which in some countries is still legal. Two points for you to notice here. First, the laws of mankind are just that, laws of the creature and they do not override the laws of God (nor may we judge God by them). Secondly, two people in a so-called loving and long term supportive life together without the commitment of the official marriage vows ARE hurting each other. It is no less hurtful to their souls than any other broken commandment or ‘bad behavior’ done to one another. The lack of acknowledgement and the acceptance of this hurt do not make the reality of the hurting go away. Two people who decide to turn a blind eye to the fact that they willingly hurt each other, all the while claiming to care for each other, are simply lying to themselves as well as each other. They are just sixth graders in adult bodies on an open-ended date who traded in their bicycles and tree houses for cars and an apartment. They, like the sixth graders, can wake up any day and say to the other; “thanks baby, it’s been real fun, ciao and don’t take it personal”. That is still a hurtful way to have to live whether one wants to or not.

  7. Tony says:

    There are many stories on here about how they think their own story is a justified divorce, so they aren’t in the wrong. Well over 90% of these could have been avoided if you held marriage in higher regard than something to do with the first person you dated over 6 months. This is the person you should intend to spend the rest of your life with, maybe get to know them a little better than you currently do?

    Stories about being involved with a previous boyfriend/girlfriend and you cite that as a reason. That is absurd that you either didn’t know, or went along with the marriage knowing about it.

    Oh and abusive people have their tells too, there is nothing wrong with asking someone you are dating to seek some help with anger issues before you pledge your life to them.

    • Kevin says:

      Not everyone who is abusive is that way before marriage. They “catch” the prize and then let their guard down and later become abusive/

  8. ninjamaster says:

    wow, you echo my sentiments but you didnt go far enough. When my wife cheated on me, filed for divorce, then tried to take my kids away through the court system, it was an insane injustice. Many who watched me suffer through a 10 year litigation nightmare thought “I will never marry because you can be treated as a criminal for getting married and having children”. I know thi message has hit many people and people get married much less and commit much less because getting married is so risky. When I approached the head pastor of the local churches about taking some legislative measures, he said “lets pray” I said “Im not here for your prayer Im here to recruit you and let take action”, he wanted no part of the action, so I left the church. Then I found out about 501c3 non profit and IRS connection to churches and why churches are silent on important political matters. 501c3 churches wont and cant address many important matters. The end result of the church being silent has been allowed moral decay to seep deep into the church, destroying family values.
    your argument is spot on, you cant argue against gay marriage if you dont have clean hands your self, no credibility. America will implode from moral bankruptcy.

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  10. Doug says:

    Gays: “Look over there !!!! See !!!!!!!!!! Someone else is doing something bad! That PROVES my bad thing isn’t really bad after all !!!!!!!!!!!”

    >>>>> push down on another’s shoulders in an attempt to lift yourself up. Didn’t mom ever tell you that will never work?

    • Nathan says:

      Uh, no. “Gays” are not saying that two wrongs make a right. They’re pointing out that the same scriptures Christians use to justify legal prohibition against their ability to marry also proscribe divorce, adultery, fornication, etc. And those same Christians are pretty quiet about making those things illegal. So basically, they’re calling you a hypocrite.

  11. We had been married for forty two years when my husband died of cancer. After forty two years I only have one piece of advice on how to stay married. Simply, don’t get a divorce. It sounds too simple, but in fact it is not. Staying married is hard sometimes. I did learn one thing over the years. If we were wildly happy (and we were a lot) or insanely unhappy ( yeah that happened too), it eventually changed. Marriage is about staying. Nothing more complicated than that.
    I learned about your blog from my cousin who shared it on FB. I am so glad she did. Thank you for great work.

    • MarkJ says:

      From a man who has also been in both boats (and currently leaning WAY over on the insanely unhappy side, clenching on for dear life) . . . I applaud you for your faithfulness to your marriage vows! Bravo!!!

      I’ll look for you “on the other side” :)

    • Avia says:

      That was a beautiful post.

  12. whythetruth says:

    “Destroy the family, you destroy the country” – Vladimir Lenin

    The fact that divorce has become so accepted within our society is not a defense for proponents of same sex marriage. They are not separate issues, they are individual parts of an agenda being used to destroy the base of what has allowed this country to thrive. The attack against the family would be unsuccessful if it only came from one direction.

    It’s also extremely fallacious to believe that since someone has been divorced they have no right to speak out against divorce, or same sex marriage. Who is more qualified to speak out against smoking than the smoker who deals with the health issues on a personal level? Obviously, they could be viewed as a hypocrite, but this doesn’t automatically make their opinion invalid, or wrong.

    In my opinion, we should be fighting against attacks on marriage and the family unit as a whole, not as separate issues. This can never be accomplished strictly through legislation, it must begin with changing minds. Neither problem surfaced overnight, neither will go away overnight.

    • Mike_P says:

      This article wasn’t meant as a defense for gay marriage – not at all. He says he’s against it even. What it is, though, is pointing out is that no one in the “Sanctity of Marriage” movement says a thing about divorce. Ever. There are huge trucks that travel to churches around the US, “Protect Marriage,” “Defend Marriage,” etc. on them. If you go up to them and say, “Great! I’m all for protecting marriage and it’s sanctity!” and ask anyone from them about what they are doing to help the divorce epidemic (and this IS an epidemic, clearly condemned throughout scripture in many, many places), you most likely will not get one solid answer (I haven’t yet had a positive answer) – just petitions against gay marriage to sign and some buttons/t-shirts/hats to buy. THAT is what this article is about. The 50% divorce rate. The divorce rate in America that is HIGHER for professing Christians than for non-churched. And THAT is a major problem – a DIRECT threat to the “Sanctity of Marriage.”

      • Dwayne says:

        Mike, yours is the BEST comment I’ve seen in this post! You hit the nail on the head! Marriage is “Till death do us part”, not “Till she messes up”, “Till he messes up”, or until people DON’T say, “Get a room”.

      • Bren says:

        Spot on Mike. Sadly the ‘sanctity of marriage’ ship sailed sooo long ago in this country and in many churches. It was a gift from the Almighty which He may be removing from our land. (There is an interesting explanation of the book of Revelations called ‘Behold, He Cometh’. Perhaps the end times are more near than first thought.) Repentance for the sin of this country is still the corporate calling of the Christian but it gets hard to do in the face of such abandonment of Truth.

  13. Excellent post, very thought provoking!

  14. Wili says:

    The problem with marriage is not divorce, it’s marrying the wrong person. God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. He made marriage and the OT supports that He put marriages together (until His people began choosing for themselves). At what point did we think God is obligated to honor a marriage of our choice? We choose the spouse and say “God you honor it”. If the creator of the universe didn’t put it together, it would seem arrogant of us to expect Him to jump through our hoops. Couples announce marriage and everyone applauds. Just like an athlete says “I’m gay” and NOW everyone applauds. I’m sure there are different reasons for the applause, but why do we not applaud porn? Why do we feel entitled to pick and choose what is acceptable in God’s Word? We don’t have to take a personal stance. We can just say “The bible says…” There is a great message about homosexuality and marriage on http://www.ipoprayer.com in their library. The bible says “What GOD has put together, let no man asunder (tear apart).” No man would include the spouse. If we were married to the person God chose for us, it would be impossible to cheat, abandon, etc… If it were possible then someone could tear apart what God put together. Free will you ask? When we enter that agreement with our true spouse and God as a partner, we give up that free will with our choice to enter that covenant (that we enter with our free will). It is just like salvation. We have the free will to enter, but not to exit.

  15. Pingback: Divorce is destroying marriage, but Christians want to talk exclusively about gay marriage | thereformedmind

  16. Very well said! We do need to approach this topic with integrity, credibility and honesty… something the gay activists are certainly unwilling to ascribe to within their extreme manipulations and guilting tactics over the gay “marriage” issue.

    I am a former homosexual who has been freed from those lies and addictions, by the way. I have been married just once, and have been married to the same beautiful woman for 22+ years now… all praise be to God on both counts! We have two beautiful daughters together… Further testimony of God’s ability to “change” people from within.

    • There is no such thing as a “former homosexual”.

      • pappad says:

        Actually, untrue. Lots of gay men and women have discovered later in life that it IS possible to re-wire their psyches…and do so successfully.

        • That is simply a lie perpetuated by religious bigots to convince people that homosexuality is a disease that can be cured. Wish there were a cure for religious bigotry….

        • pappad says:

          Which is, of course, utter nonsense. For 3/4ths of the 20th Century, it WAS successfully treated, even though weaning someone away from a behavior and attitude that gives intense, sexual pleasure is difficult, it’s not impossible.

        • gc says:

          bullsh*t. They are just lying to themselves.

      • Becca says:

        So you’re saying Dean Bailey is either a liar, a lunatic or has been brainwashed despite not knowing him or his story? That’s a very loving of you.

        • mojohn says:

          This is likely to have little effect on Five Drunk Rednecks since it’s a quote from the Bible. But Paul wrote the following to the Christians in Corinth (1 Corinthians 6:9-11):

          Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

          So, FDR’s contention notwithstanding, God knows that a person can become a “former” homosexual if he is washed, sanctified, and justified in Christ and by the Spirit.
          Me? I’ll take God’s word over FDR’s.

    • Razor5621 says:

      I didn’t read this post until now. I hope you are still listening, Dean. I give you A ZILLION praises for staying with your wife through what must be a HORRENDOUS struggle!!! To be attracted to the same sex is something I have never experienced although I have fought my own horrendous battles in my marriage. We ALL do in some way!!! I can imagine it takes great courage, determination and strength to live with with this constant temptation in your life.

      If you see ANY reward in this life you are blessed! If not, know that you WILL be blessed in the next life. Hang in there and NEVER forget the Cross of Our Blessed Redeemer!!! Always try to attach your pain to His and the grace to fight another day/hour/minute/second will ALWAYS be given. He promised it!!!

      Twenty Two Years!!! You are to be commended! Make it another twenty two!!! Do something special for her today and keep doing it EVERY day until death-do-you-part. Your soul depends on it . . . and you just might help her to get to heaven (although I suspect she doesn’t need the help–but do it anyway).

  17. mommyx4boys says:

    Actually it says and to the republic for which it stands one nation under God


  19. Agree, but even if divorce is rampant ( which is not God’s will either) it certainly does not make gay marriage any less wrong!! ONE SIN ( DEPENDING ON THE REASON THE DIVORCE HAPPENED) does not make another sin more acceptable!!

    • Dwayne says:

      It’s nice to see somebody hit the nail on the head!

    • c matt says:

      Yes, that is true. The point seems to be that divorce has had the greater impact on the institution of marriage. SSM doesn’t help, but if divorce were not as rampant, I doubt SSM would make much of dent. Of course, Matt strikes closer to, but not quite at the root of the whole marriage decline problem. The root is the “divorce” of the sexual act from its intended end – procreation. Once that connection is severed, it really is not much of leap to remove the permanence, exclusivity or complementarity aspects.

  20. mdulloa80 says:

    I’m a Christian. I divorced my ex-husband not bc “my” non-catholic Christian church “allows” it but bc he was extremely abusive and adulterous. Criminalize adultery? Wouldn’t make him less of an abusive asshole. And do you know how many Catholic women remain with their abusive, adulterous husbands (crap, or vice-versa) bc of their divorce intolerance? I know, I used to be one. But hey, they keep that divorce rate down. Win-win.

    I think making divorce illegal until the age of 27 would fix a lot of things. I honestly and truly hope you never find yourself in any of the above situations. I mean that sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. If I knew then (at the age of 22 when I got married) what I know now, I wouldn’t have had to eat so many of my words…. Wish you the best.

    • LinZ says:

      I think making divorce illegal until the age of 27 wouldn’t change a thing, you’d jut have a bunch more separated couples waiting until that magical birthday when they can make it official. Maybe the idea of being stuck in that situation would make younger folks think twice, but then again the part of your brain that processes actions and consequences isn’t fully developed until you’re 25.

  21. Chuck Biewer says:

    I beg to differ. Flat tires are FAR LESS common than divorces. Such a shame to even consider this analogously..

  22. Excellent challenge, brother. Recently going through the Westminster Larger Catechism on the sixth commandment, I preached (again) against homosexuality, but pointed out that it’s not our greatest threat to marriage in America. I believe I touched on what you do here, but also pointed out how uncommitted Christians are to marriage in the first place and the problem with unchastity before and during marriage is more problematic (and makes us hypocrites who do not get listened to while denying the faith by our collective unholy actions, Titus 1:16). On that note, your article reminded me of what Carl Trueman wrote a little while ago, called “The Yuck Factor”, in which he makes your same challenge to Christians: http://www.reformation21.org/blog/2013/03/the-yuck-factor.php

  23. Pingback: Strengthening Marriage

  24. Pingback: Thoughts on Divorce | Timothy J. Hammons

  25. Ryan says:

    Perhaps high divorce rates suggest that marriage is an unnatural and unrealistic union we impose on ourselves for superficial and wishful reasons.

    Certainly some marriages are successful, but the one size fits all model is naive.

    We are complex creatures, ever evolving, diverse and dynamic. Making decades long promises is irresponsible. It’s an intention at best, as are other promises we make to ourselves and loved ones and break, about career pursuits, fitness goals and financial aspirations. It shouldn’t be illegal to make honest mistakes.

    To suggest that human emotion and behavior, as it pertains to marriage, should be more stringently monitored and regulated by the government is absurd.

    Maybe divorce is popular because marriage is an outdated and ineffectual philosophy.

    • Bren says:

      If man evolved then Ryan, you are right. If marriage is for the benefit of the self then you are right on. Sadly, your sanitized words like ‘complex creature’ and ‘intentions at best’ belie the truth that it is the people that causes marriage to fail. As you admit in this round about way, promise failure is not the fault of the promise itself but of the maker of the promise. Rational beings make promises; animals do not. Promises are more than intentions. That is exactly why they call a marriage promise a ‘commitment’. Commitment by definition means dedication and obligation that restricts freedom of action.
      Mistakes, a changed heart or poor judgment do not negate the validity and requirements of a promise and are not usually even a reason to negate regular contracts. Even my phone contract has penalties for early termination. If I follow your logic through, then my phone company has no right to hold me responsible when I decide to change carriers. Renege on any commitment whether verbal or written and see how far you get.
      Maybe divorce is popular because people have become just that selfish.

    • ed says:

      Look at the reply of Donna Aponte. This is the sad reality of the selfish philosophy you so eloquently express. Countless women and children have been abandon, forsaken, and forgotten by the men who worship your idol. They know not where to turn expecially when their churches have also forsaken the clear teaching of the scriptures and also refuse to help them. The help they desperately need is in a true church. The help you desperately need is the same. Also read Prov. 30: 11-14.

  26. Donna Aponte says:

    So where does that leave us single mothers who’ve tried to hold our marriages together with every ounce of our being! To loose it from our grip to a man who committed adultery and then abandon his family & his vows. Forced to sign divorce papers I don’t agree with… Believing five years later was the right time to attempt it once more. Now ashamed of the fact that I’ve married and divorced twice. Both times against my will!! Am I left to live out my days alone? Forbidden to remarry? Feeling to blame for the scars left on my children! Are they better left with no male role model in the home. Does God approve for me to remarry ever again in this situation?! I surely cannot put them thru this again. I realize I must be broken to be attracting these broken men. So I’ve focused on repairing me and fighting thru the battlefield in my mind. Growing closer to God. Waiting on him for instruction! Crying out from highest mountain!

  27. Razor5621 says:

    Been trying to follow these posts and it is time to call a spade a spade. I know all you atheists out there will love this post . . . so go ahead and blabber on about how I worship some silly idol or I am out of my mind or blah, blah, blah . . .

    Donna . . . “Am I left to live out my days alone?” You are not alone. You have your children, your family, your co-workers, your community, etc. Obviously, the romantic part of your life is basically empty but MANY people survive very well without that.

    “Forbidden to remarry” is like saying “Forbidden to change 2+2=4″. There is no such thing as “remarriage”. Once married, always married (until the death of one of the spouses). Second relationships are adultery in the eyes of God whether the government calls it marriage or not. Marriage is sometimes difficult–VERY DIFFICULT (even to the point of one spouse wants nothing to do with the other and moves in with someone else)–but it is still marriage!!!

    Think about it this way . . . how are you any less married in the eyes of God when you are forced through a so called “no-fault” divorce in a civil court of law? Was the pastor/priest who presided over your wedding there in the courtroom saying there was some impediment to your marriage making it invalid? Did anyone quote Bible passages during the civil divorce proving you are no longer married? Did the Holy Spirit drop into the courtroom and say “You are no longer married (which, I realize, contradicts God’s word, but this [treacherous] civil court takes precedence over the Word of God)”? I suspect no, no and no!

    When we marry, in the eyes of God we enter into a covenant. This is much stronger than a promise and does not end until one of the spouses dies. The fact that we also enter into a civil union (in most cases in the U.S.) is almost meaningless. Why do people put so much weight on a piece of paper with a signature that gives us a few income tax incentives but ignore the beautiful spiritual union that is blessed by God Our Father in Heaven?

    I realize how difficult it can be. Believe me!!! My wife left me for another man almost ten years ago. I have never, nor will I ever, date another woman unless my wife dies. How could I–SHE IS STILL MY WIFE and it would be adultery! She wants nothing to do with me, lives 2,000 miles away and we rarely speak–but she is fully aware of my commitment to reconcile if she ever comes to her senses. I will remain celibate–no flirting, no dating, no romantic involvement of any kind until the day she dies. I am committed to the vow I made on my wedding day. The fact that she has thrown her vow down the toilet does not change my zeal to keep my vow one little bit.

    Am I tempted? Well, to be honest, yes! At times I wish I could feel the warmth of a woman snuggling up to me at night. But I will NEVER . . . EVER . . . break the vow I made to be faithful to my spouse. I am not the only person in this world who is fighting this battle. MANY men and women are faithful to their marriage vows. It CAN be done!!! You don’t NEED a man/woman in your life in a romantic way. Your children will be MUCH better off seeing you stick to your marriage vows rather than going through “man” after “man” after “man” searching for someone who can be a father figure and then fail every time (because there are SO FEW real men out there any more). Teach them to have an intimate relationship with their Savior, Jesus Christ and then have faith that He will guide them to eternity in Heaven.

    Have fun atheists!

    • ed says:

      I commend you on your response and your commitment. May the Lord of heaven and earth continue to supply the grace for you and all who have been wickedly abandoned by their spouse to hold fast the word of truth. “Though hand join in hand the wicked shall not be unpunished: but the seed of the righteous shall be delivered ‘Proverbs 11:21′.”

    • Bren says:

      Amen brother! And Donna, Christ NEVER leaves us alone and He can heal the broken-hearted in ways that mankind never can. He is the best male figure and role model for your children. Find a church/denomination that does not sell out the Biblical Truth of marriage. There are some out there. They will be supportive of you in many different ways. Dare I list a few? I’ll tell you mine: Protestant Reformed. Others can chime in with theirs :)

      • Razor5621 says:

        “Protestant Reformed. Others can chime in with theirs” . . .

        As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord . . . in the church founded by His Son, Our Blessed Redeemer, Jesus Christ . . . as faithful Roman Catholics.

        I am ashamed that so many of the leaders of “my” church have fallen into secularism so deeply in this age. No wonder protestants think all catholics are going to hell!!! Yes, there IS salvation in the Catholic Church but you won’t find it in most parish priests or bishops in the U.S. (and many other countries). Some of them are faithful but most of them have chosen secularism as their religion. That doesn’t mean the church, the bride of Christ, is evil . . . but it sure makes an easy target for the protestant leaders.

        Want to know what Catholicism is all about yourself instead of hearing it from some biased pastor or other uninformed person? Read the Catechism of the Catholic Church. It is here “http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM”. Part 4–”Christian Prayer”–is extraordinary and the section on The Lord’s Prayer is wonderful. The footnotes point to a HUGE collection of documents written by holy men and woman who don’t pander to today’s culture.

        Sorry for the “sales pitch”. See y’all in Heaven!!! :)

    • Bren says:

      Oh, and let’s not forget that John the Baptist was beheaded for taking a stand against remarriage, and it did not even involve a ‘church member’ but a carnal government leader. That tells me it is a very important truth! Being a disciple of Christ will always require some sacrifice on a personal level. Prayers for those who are lonely are lifted by many here.

    • Absence says:

      Reading about your life makes me sad. No reward in the afterlife could be worth such an abjectly pathetic real life. Besides, if I’m wrong I can repent and get into heaven at the second coming. I do find it kind of amusing that an all-powerful being supposedly full of infinite love should require you to live a life of unreciprocated love. Face it bro, your _ex_-wife isn’t coming back.

      • ed says:

        “I can get into heaven at the second coming”. Where do you come up with such nonsense? You tell your creator all your life long what you think of His Christ by the life you live and then He tells you where you shall be forever! See Rev. 21:7-8

        • Absence says:

          Nonsense is the idea of hell in a universe ruled by a force of infinite love. God is not limited by what the bible says and you are not an arbiter of the understanding I have with my creator. I honor my creator by opposing those who manifest hatefulness and inequality, i.e. anti-gay rights Christians, racists, and bigots of all other flavors. An omniscient god sees clearly the hubris of those Christians who claim to know his heart well enough to condemn the behaviors and beliefs of others. Repent from your thoughtless bigotry and you might find it’s not too late to secure a spot in heaven.

        • ed says:

          You have judged me to be a thoughtless bigot without a spot in heaven. Did you get direct revelation from your creator concerning this? If the idea of hell is nonsense to you how do you explain away the teaching of this idea in the Bible, which is God’s Word.

  28. favill says:

    Interestingly enough…the number of people a person may be married to is never articulated in the Bible. If one reads the exploits of David and Solomon we know that each of these men had many wives…so why do we have this rule that we can only have one wife? (at a time) One could say that the imposition of only a single spouse is a man-made rule and is not a Divinely inspired one. Perhaps the only reason men could only have one spouse at time (during most of history) is the fact that it is expensive to raise a family–hence only kings and those who were very rich could afford to have more than one wife and the resulting brood of children. However, as the First World gets more wealthy…we can aspire to have more than one spouse since we can afford to do so today more so than in previous generations. Furthermore, we know that Christianity took root with the very poor and the slaves during Roman times…hence, most Christians had only one wife (at a time)…by the time the nobility embraced Christianity the “one spouse” rule was a tradition. Perhaps having more than one wife would lower the divorce rate since a husband’s infidelity seems to be a major factor in wives leaving their husbands.

    • Razor5621 says:

      Common sense is all we need to know this is wrong. “Adam and Eve” . . . not Adam and Eve and Gretchen and Ruth and Bonnie and . . . !!!

      Not to mention EVERY human just knows instinctively that multiple spouses is a hornet’s nest.

    • c matt says:

      Have you even read the Gospels?

      Jesus calls out the Samaritan woman at the well for having multiple husbands; He also told the Pharisees that God allowed divorce under Mosaic law b/c of the hardness of their hearts, but no longer (fyi: hardness of heart in the Bible does not refer to arteriosclerosis, and it is not meant as a compliment).

    • c matt says:

      You also seem to misunderstand – for David and Solomon, the multiple wives turned out to be a punishment (self-inflicted to boot).

  29. Stacy says:

    Thank you, Matt! My mother has been married three times and still doles out her marriage advice. Really, mom? You think you’ve got marriage figured out? You haven’t a leg to stand on. I’ve known several people who re-marry and claim that this is the ONE. Yeah right!

    • Wili says:

      Good read. However, all his statements have one flaw in them. He assumes that ALL marriages have God’s stamp of approval on them. God did not put his stamp of approval for Sampson or Esau’s choices to marry. To say that God approves all marriages is to say that we can control God’s blessings. “What God put together, let NO man put asunder” That’s the same translation as Let there be light. Adam could ‘not’ leave Eve. Otherwise, a man COULD tear apart what God put together. If God didn’t put 2 people together, is it a marriage in God’s eyes?? Food for thought.

  30. jmdoman says:

    “To make matters worse, some of the loudest mouth pieces for “traditional marriage” in media and politics are bigamists, adulterers, and men with two, three, or four ex-wives. It’s not that you can’t defend the sanctity of marriage when you have been divorced multiple times, it’s just that you have zero credibility on the subject.”
    Who’s Matt talking about here? Who’s the bigamist?

  31. coupleslove says:

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  32. Pingback: Pastoral hypocrisy: only SOME of the sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God; the rest can lead marriage ministries. | Sunshine Mary

  33. oogenhand says:

    Reblogged this on oogenhand and commented:
    Good piece against “Christian” homocrisy.

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