Trendy pro-choice fashion tips

Melissa Harris-Perry is, allegedly, a host on MSNBC. I can neither officially confirm nor deny her actual existence because I — like every other American except for a few dozen or so — have never watched her show. For all I know, she’s a hoax invented by the right wing conspiracy to try and make liberals look even dumber. If that’s the case then well done, right wing conspiracy.

If, in fact, the Melissa Harris-Perry Show (or whatever it’s called) is a real thing, then I guess that means this really happened:

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Yeah, those are tampons hanging from her ears. Ol’ Melissa heard about how police had to confiscate tampons from rabid pro-abortion protestors at the Texas Capitol a few weeks ago because they planned to throw them at Republicans. Personally, I disagree with people all the time but it’s never occurred to me to fling hygiene products at their face. I guess next time a liberal gets on a “let’s kill babies” tirade, I’ll just chuck a stick of Right Guard at their skull, because why not, right? Harris-Perry couldn’t fathom why security wouldn’t want a bunch of feminist psychos tossing tampons all over the Capitol so she… did this… for some reason.

And, no, I don’t need to watch her program to “understand the context.” Anymore than I need to watch Geraldo’s show to understand the context of why he decided to take a picture of his elderly nude body and post it on the Internet. The context is that they’re both desperate, embarrassing, pathetic, attention mongers. And the deeper context is that journalism died a long time ago and we are now witnessing the grotesque spectacle of its slow decay.

What I don’t understand is why Mrs. Harris-Perry chose to wear tampons when there are so many other fabulous pro-abortion themed wardrobe choices.

Here’s a few ideas:

A bunch of cash stitched together to make a luxurious jacket.

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This represents the multi-million dollar abortion lobby. The lobby that paid “grass roots” protestors to show up in Texas and raise hell about the abortion bill. The same lobby which shills for corporations that have a vested financial interest in keeping abortion clinics as unregulated as possible. With this outfit, you can sell your soul to wealthy corporate interests who make millions by killing children, and you can do it in style!

A beautiful glass jar filled with urine and feces, worn around the neck like an elegant pendant necklace.

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I was inspired for this provocative and trendsetting idea by the reports of pro-abortion whack jobs trying to sneak containers of human excrement into the state legislature. This fine jewelry could also tell the world what you’re full of, before you even open your mouth.

A stylish sleek black blindfold.

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Here’s a sensible accessory which perfectly encapsulates the attitude of pro-abortion advocates who prefer to close their eyes and ignore the atrocities and horrors that occur every day in abortion clinics nationwide. It also symbolizes the behavior of the government and the abortion industry anytime they’re made aware of criminals like Kermit Gosnell. They ain’t seen nothin’, yo.

A long pipe and puffy white shirt.

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Not only will you be positively dapper in this getup, you’ll also look just like the 19th century slave owners whose overall philosophy the pro-abortion movement mirrors. Surely, if you are going to use faux-science to justify classifying an entire group of people as subhuman, you might as well where the uniform while you’re at it. Oh, their physical features and vulnerability make them unworthy of basic liberties and legal protections? Yeah, I think I’ve heard that one before.

Gorgeous red leather gloves.

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Of all the options, these are a must have. After all, if you support “abortion rights” you are taking the side of murderous butchers who have slaughtered 50 million babies in the last 40 years. You can’t escape it, you have blood on your hands. Maybe you aren’t holding the knife, but you’re cheering for the ones who do. That makes you morally culpable, and the darkness of your depraved soul truly frightens me. Let these gloves symbolize the blood on your hands. You’ve earned them, now wear them with pride.

There. Now you’re dressed to kill. Literally.

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19 Responses to Trendy pro-choice fashion tips

  1. Ryan says:

    Matt,

    I found your blog through a link on Facebook about the 29 year old nobody and am now your biggest fan. I’m 21 and agree with this 100%.

    Thank you for being born.

  2. Jessica says:

    I’m with Ryan and found your blog in the same way. This post, as all of your posts that I’ve read so far, is fabulous.

  3. srbboo says:

    A REAL progressive warrior would have worn USED tampons, soaked in the blood of a recent aborted baby. She’s a piker.

  4. Mich-in-French says:

    Well written and I agree 100% with you.
    It’s sad day when a woman wears tampons on her ears to make a point and a barbaric one at that.

  5. Julie says:

    Thank you for pointing out the ugliness of the truth. There is no way to possibly justify choosing to be pro-choice.

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  7. Candace says:

    Love this! Especially since I was at the Texas Capitol to witness all the madness. I testified before Senate in favor of the bill. These people were just plain crazy!

    Love your blog! Came on over from FB to read the “29 year old…” story and laughed great big belly laughs! I also loved your post on The Right to Homeschool! Good stuff here! thanks!

  8. kenny says:

    Boy Matt your piece on the 29 year old Peach is really making the rounds it is how I found your blog love your stuff, I hate to pile on the work but how about some podcasts?

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  13. Dan says:

    excellent article, but grammar nazis will take exception to: “you might as well where the uniform while you’re at it” spell check not as helpful as it used to be?

  14. daniellemc78 says:

    No, it isn’t spelled correctly. It should be WEAR. But, who cares.

    • KB says:

      It’s spelled correctly, he just used the wrong “wear”. Spell check doesn’t know which meaning you want.

  15. I am not a fan of Ms. Harris (notice I didn’t use her hyphenated ignorant name refusing to let go of her maiden name and cleave unto her husband, which in my humble opinion is total disrespect to her husband.Last time I checked she was not Spanish, as in history the Spaniards kept the maiden names with the married name in order to keep track of family histories in that women married men to “merge” (arraigned marriages) two families together, etc.) she talks about Women’s rights and empowerment, war on women, blah blah blah — but the truth is, its nothing more than allowing women to be selfish and make selfish choices. You want to talk about war on women Ms. Harris, visit some of the Muslim countries and you’ll see the war on women. Visit some of the cities in China (forced abortions, sex slaves, etc) and you’ll see the war on women. Basically, visit any other country except for the United States and you’ll see the war on women you yap about on a daily basis in the comfort of your own home and country and never needing to worry about being brutally raped because you left your home by yourself or shot in the head because you chose to express your opinion. Before you open your mouth Ms. Harris, I suggest you get out of your progressive bubble and introduce yourself to the real world.

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