Things that don’t have to be this damn difficult: Four way stop edition

Here’s my impression of myself at a four way stop:

Me to other car: Hmm, it appears we are in quite a quandary. I believe I pulled up a split second before you, but you are to my right, which would give you the right of way if we arrived simultaneously. Since we do not have the benefits of instant replay to determine beyond doubt who is entitled to go first, I will sacrifice my claim. [Waving] Please, sir, after you.

Other car: Oh you are too kind. I could not bear the guilt of exploiting your generosity and good graces. Please [waving] I beg you sir, go before me.

Me: [Waving] I insist. You are a gentleman of the highest order. I urge you, continue along. I shall wait.

Other car: [Waving] No, no I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave you to whittle away as you wait 2 seconds for me to clear the intersection.

Me: Ok. Ok, you have outdone me. I will go, thank you sir. [Begins driving]

Other car: Actually, I believe I’ll take you up on your original offer. [Begins driving]

Me: Oh, so you’re going now? Alright, I will stop again. Go ahead. [Slams brakes] [Waving]

Other car: Never mind, please, as you were. Continue on. [Brakes] [Waving]

Me: Seriously? OK I’M GOING NOW. PLEASE STAY PUT UNTIL I DRIVE ALL THE WAY THROUGH. [Drives]

Other car: You know, I’ve thought about it and I think I’ll just go now. I’m in a hurry. [Drives]

Me: [Slamming on brakes] WHAT THE HELL DUDE?! FINE. Go. GO!

Other car: I will. After you. [Waving]

Me: ARE YOU BRAIN DEAD? I’m going now and if you take your foot off that brake I swear I will plow right into you dude. [Drives off angrily]

Other car: What? No thank you wave? Jerk. YOU’RE WELCOME!

Listen, America, when someone waves you through, just go. Do not stop, do not collect 200 hundred dollars, do not stop to ponder the exigencies and debate the pros and cons. Just go. He waves, you go. Done. Easy. Cool?

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3 Responses to Things that don’t have to be this damn difficult: Four way stop edition

  1. Pingback: Manchester Times - Bonnaroo, News, Newspaper, Sports, Business, Entertainment, Engagement, Obituary, Births, Government, Football, Basketball, Baseball, Soccer in Manchester Tennessee, TN

  2. Yes, Matt, it does have to be difficult. It’s called metastability, and it’s not easily solved. If the protocol is changed so that when one guy waves, the other guy has right-of-way, what do you do when both guys wave?

  3. Cylar says:

    I hate it when I wave someone through and they wave back. Just GO, dang it. I’m trying to be nice, trying not to be a jerk. I run out of patience with it real fast. One of many, many peeves about driving. If this is #1, then #2 has to be people who ignore your attempt to merge on the freeway via turn-signal, head whipping back and forth, easing over to one side of your lane…and just keep on truckin’ like your car is invisible to them. (#3 is people who have to gun their engine and get in ahead of you when THEY merge…instead of slowing down and dropping in behind you. I don’t cut people off like this, so why do others need to it to me?)

    This seems to be an exceedingly common phenomenon at four-way stop signs, so much so that I once saw a Facebook meme of a stop sign…with a condensed version of your rant Photoshop’ped onto the sign in tiny letters underneath the word STOP.

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