I’m a firm believer that women need men but men need women much, much more. I don’t come to that conclusion because I’m some sort of feminist. I come to it because I’m married. 

There are many examples from my own life that I think prove this point. Take last night, for example, when we were at the grocery store and my wife gave me the assignment to run to the produce section and pick up some apples. I made it to the produce section in good time, I located the apples with ease, I picked out the tastiest looking ones and put them in a bag, I twisty tied the bag, I thought I had successfully accomplished my mission. But then we got to the checkout and the four apples I selected came to 8 dollars. Apparently I managed to botch my limited grocery related duty by somehow finding the four most expensive apples in the history of human civilization. I then came to realize that this is probably where all my money went during my bachelor years. Not to apples necessarily (I actually don’t think I ate even one piece of fruit during my single days), but in general to an unjustifiably enormous weekly food bill. 

But I think a better example of why men need women can be found in this conversation I had with my wife a few minutes ago:

Her: What’s wrong? [Note: I never gave any verbal or physical clue that anything was wrong at all, but I've long ago come to grips with the fact that my wife is Professor X or maybe a Jedi who can telekinetically detect disturbances in the Force]

Me: Oh nothing… Just my lower back is giving me problems again. It’s no big deal.

Her: We have to get you to a doctor.

Me: Why?

Her: Because your back has been giving you problems off and on since high school, right?

Me: Yeah but there’s nothing a doctor can do about it. 

Her: Is that what a doctor told you?

Me: What doctor?

Her: The doctors you saw about your back.

Me: I never saw a doctor about it. 

Her: You mean you injured your back a decade and a half ago and it’s hurt ever since and you’ve never talked to a doctor about it?

Me: Uh well no I guess I haven’t.

Her: Ever?

Me: No.

Her: That’s insane. Why? Why wouldn’t you talk to a doctor? It could be a fixable problem. You might be suffering for no reason. 

Me: Yeah but I can deal with it. 

Her: You need to take care of your health. I’m making you an appointment and you’re going to the doctor. 

….And then the conversation kind of went in circles from there as I feebly attempted to defend my position that, for no coherent reason at all, I should never go to the doctor for anything. 

The point is, without a woman in my life I’d be doomed to an existence of unnecessary physical pain and obscenely expensive apples. 

That’s just no way to live.