Monthly Archives: November 2012

Dems: We Can Cut Spending After We Finish Increasing Spending

Obama and the Democrats are obviously quite hell bent on raising taxes. Apparently a few people in the country still find it unsettling when the president and our representatives spend every waking minute of their lives trying to convince us they … Continue reading

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The Lottery, an Alien’s Perspective

If you want to really understand how screwed up things are, simply close your eyes and imagine you just landed on Earth after a long journey from Planet Sane. Imagine you are discovering the realities of this world, and more … Continue reading

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Breaking: Taxes Can Cure AIDS, According to Random Naked People

A flock of nude morons (which is a great idea for a band name, by the way) stormed John Boehner’s office today protesting potential budget cuts to AIDS research. They explained themselves through their profoundly insightful chants: “That’s why we … Continue reading

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Performance Enhancing Drugs: Bad for Athletes, Good for Students

Some players in the NFL have been suspended for using an illegal performance enhancing drug. The drug in this case is Adderall. You may also know Adderall as the prescription pill given to adolescent children to make them more cooperative in … Continue reading

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We All Gotta Serve Somebody

Jamie Foxx apparently said the following while hosting the Soul Train Awards on BET this past Sunday: “First of all, give an honor to God and our lord and savior Barack Obama!” Now I’m not quite sure how anyone even … Continue reading

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Breaking News: Law Seen as Impediment to Law Enforcement

Hey just a note of possible significance, albeit minimal: there’s a bill in the Senate to be voted on next week that allows the government to access your emails, Google search history, and Facebook and Twitter messages without a search … Continue reading

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The Modern Invention of Moderate Extremism

I don’t know why the word “extremist” is used as an insult in this country. If I was an extreme snowboarder or if I talked about going to the gym and “pushing myself to the extreme”, I’d generally be applauded … Continue reading

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A Preemptive Strike Against Warhawking Neo-Cons

Well I hope you guys are sitting down for this. According to reports, a region of the world that has been perpetually at war since the year 700 is on the verge of war. In other news, the ocean is … Continue reading

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HoHo Goes the Way of the DoDo

I’m sure you’ve heard Hostess is going under. An American icon is no more. Say goodbye to Twinkies, Ho Hos, Snoballs and many other forms of affordable plastic wrapped processed pseudo-pastries. Of course the possible silver lining here is that … Continue reading

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Barry and the Giant (im)Peach(able Scandal)

Petreaus testified today he knew within 24 hours that the assassination of our ambassador was a terrorist attack not a “spontaneous protest”. According to him, references to “Al Qaeda involvement” were mysteriously removed from his report by some unknown individual. … Continue reading

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